Penname: Battle Fries [Contact]
Real name: Jonathan Bruser
Member Since: 02/19/2006
Membership status: Member

Greetings, Humans! I come amongst you in peace and friendship, so that I may learn of your strange and alien culture. I find that literature can be a most effective form of entertainment, and thus, I have sought out the most prized literature of your entire species, and I have discovered this strange phenomenon that you Humans call "Harry Potter." The characters and plot intrigue me, and I have done my own research into Harry Potterism. Now that I have accumulated some knowledge, and added it to my mothership's databanks, I come to live amongst you Humans permanently, for Harry Potterism has deeply affected what you Humans would call my soul. Here, at this technological shrine to The Boy Who Lived, I wish to add my own analysis and conjecture on the story and characters, along with you all. As I adopt the Earth as my new home, I hope to make many friends from amidst you all, and that we may join together in happiness through the wonder that is Harry Potter.

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Reviews by Battle Fries
Twist of Fate by Sk8erWitch [All Ages]
starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 5]
Harry Potter is going to start his 6th year at Hogwarts. He wants nothing more than to date Hermione and have a normal year. But when a vision of a girl being tortured by the Dark Lord Voldermort lands him in a two week coma, he knows 'normal' is not an option. As the new school year starts, the tortured girl from his vision turns up at Hogwarts, and it turns out that she is Harry's long lost and forgotten twin sister. Now Harry has his plate full as he deals with Quidditch, DA meetings, all of his classes, the homework, the Dark Lord, and the ultimate Mission Impossiple: how to keep his sister away from Draco Malfoy.

Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: General Fan Fiction
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Action/Adventure, General
Warnings: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 3971; Read Count: 1704; Completed: No

Updated: 06/21/2006; Published: 02/15/2006
Reviewer: Battle Fries (Signed)
02/27/2006
Heh. Dudley wants to learn magic to help block out the nasty nightmares of "rabbit food" being forced down his throat. If only his parents knew.... Good stuff. I'm curious as to the identity of the girl. You say she looks like Lily, but is it Lily? Maybe sometime in the past, when she was younger, not to mention alive? And is it just me, or do I sense a Harry/Hermione pairing in the wroks here? ;-) Just a few spelling and grammar errors here and there. Make sure to keep your story in one tense (the sentence, 'Harry stopped and notices he was thinking again,' is the only time I could see mixed tenses, and I imagine it was probably a typo. All-in-all, not a bad prologue. Let's see where it goes!


Chapter 1: Prologue
Ellette is a young girl being thrown into the world of witchcraft and wizardry. After being abandoned by her less-than-intelligent parents, Ellette is raised by her best friend Laura's parents. Once she goes to Hogwarts she has an opportunity to change herself into the girl she always wanted to be, an opportunity she quickly passes by in favor of anonymity. However, as time goes on, she does manage to make friends with a few people at Hogwarts, the least of which not being Sirius Black and his good friend, James Potter.

Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: General Fan Fiction, Pre-Canon
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst
Warnings: Character Death, Mild Violence
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 4102; Read Count: 367; Completed: No

Updated: 02/17/2006; Published: 02/17/2006
Reviewer: Battle Fries (Signed)
02/26/2006
Wow! Just Wow! There are a few minor grammatical points I could nitpick about, but that's all I could do to this story: nitpick (and I do hope that this is just a first chapte)! The visual details descriving the two girls and their respective sides of the room are simply amazing! I feel very sorry for Ellette; she reminds me of Harry before he knew he was a wizard, with the Dursleys, in many ways. I find it extremely ironic that Laura is described as a Lion, but her parents (well, the mother, at least) seem more like snakes. I wonder what house her parents were in, and I wonder what house Laura will be in. I also liked the different perceptions the characters have of each other: Laura tries to initiate conversation with Ellette, but Ellette is too downtrodden to even realize that Laura is there for her (probably anxiety from all parties about Hogwarts coming so soon). I'm not sure what to make of Mr. Park yet, but I'm eager to find out. I'm wondering if Charlie Weasley is Ellette's father, and if he is, I definitely want to know why they gave Ellette over to such horrible people (well, Mrs. Park, at least). The part about asking the parents for money was very reminiscent of Les Miserables (the Parks would be the Thernardiers, and Ellette's parents would be Fantine). There's so much I want to say about this, but I simply can't think of everything I want to say in words! A marvelous piece of work! I hope to see more soon! 10/10

Author's Response: WOW! Thank you so much! You can't possibly have any idea how much that made my day. Unfortunately, no, Charlie is not Ellette's father, though that was an excellent insight. It does have something to do with Charlie, but I don't think that will come until the sequel. Mrs. Park does get explained, as does Laura, congrats on catching their emotions (Laura trying to talk to Ellette and what not) I was worried no one would see that. And yes, I'm in the process of writing the second chapter, it should be up soon! Thanks for reviewing! You rule!



Chapter 1: The Rain Fell
Harry, the truth he knows, and the solace he needs.

Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Romance
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Angst, Drama
Warnings: Alcohol and/or Drug Abuse, Alternate Universe, Mild Violence, Sexual Situations, Strong Language
Chapters: 2 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 5283; Read Count: 191; Completed: No

Updated: 03/20/2006; Published: 02/27/2006
Reviewer: Battle Fries (Signed)
02/28/2006
Excuse me for a moment. I need to clear a space on the floor to roll around laughing my arse off. Be right back. *rolls around on the floor laughing his arse off* Much better. That was certainly an original and refreshing piece of fiction, to be sure! Other than a few grammar errors that I can't remember at the moment, it was one of the most FUN stories I've read in a while. At then end, it does get serious to a degree, but once the end comes, it turned out to be not just well worth the read, but also geniunely touching. This story felt really, really genuine (well, maybe except the fact that Harry practically raped Hermione). But the emotions and feelings behind the characters were very real, and that made it both serious and fun. In short, I loved it! 10/10


Chapter 1: Doubt is not a pleasant condition but certainity is absurd