Penname: Aestel [Contact]
Real name:
Member Since: 01/27/2006
Membership status: Member

Once upon a time I was a writing tutor. Another time I lived in England. I love writing dialogue, sometimes to the detriment of the rest of the story. Also, while I generally tend to be indulgent of unusual sentence structures, I must confess that I have actually said the words: "If you're going to be obstinate, at least be grammatically correct about it." Otherwise, I should be working on my story instead of this bio. ...And yes, I'm a slow updater.

Beta-reader: No
Gender: female


[Report This]
Reviews by Aestel
It's nearing the end of Harry Potter's final year at Hogwarts. Gryffindor have just won the Quidditch Cup, but things go downhill from there. Short two-chapter fic about the end of it all.

Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: General Fan Fiction
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Action/Adventure
Warnings: Character Death, Mild Violence
Chapters: 2 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 4909; Read Count: 1444; Completed: Yes

Updated: 07/01/2005; Published: 06/28/2005
Reviewer: Aestel (Signed)
02/01/2006
Off the bat, my absolute favorite lines: '“Not on your own, you don’t,” Hermione said, putting a calming hand on his shoulder. “You know I’m the only one who can defeat him!” Harry hissed angrily, bringing the level of his voice down to match that of his friends. “Yeah, mate," said Ron,” But we can help you get there.”' I should confess, I came here to check out your descriptions. I didn't find anything lacking. If you'd stopped to describe the cobwebs in the corridors in the middle of all the tumult, I would have had to hit you over the head with a (foam) bat. But you didn't, so you're safe. The biggest descriptive passage was this one: "As they entered the Great Hall, Professor McGonagall motioned for them all to sit on the floor. All the other houses were already there, but Harry couldn’t help noticing that several of the older Slytherins, Malfoy included, were conspicuous only in their absence. That couldn’t be good, he thought. Above him, the ceiling showed a patchy night sky, and it looked like it was about to rain. Harry looked around at the hall. The House tables were stacked against the walls near the door. They looked ominously like potential barricades." Now I feel this passage could be streamlined a bit, but I'm the queen of pith, so take that with a grain of salt. I love the fact that the tables are stacked against the walls and looking "ominously like barricades" - that hits the reader in the gut. I do wonder why the ceiling was mentioned. I'm acting like a hyper-critical reader right now, but my thought was "all this is going on and Harry takes time to check on the weather? Is this foreshadowing of something?" And now I'm off to Chapter 2 to see...


Chapter 1: The Plan
Reviewer: Aestel (Signed)
02/01/2006
Okay, so the cloudy sky really didn't come to anything. Ah well. "Harry looked around. The room seemed empty, apart from the archway and the fluttering veil. " Okay, in this one instance I'd actually ask for a teeny bit more description, only because Harry's in a new place, looking around, and probably hyper-aware, considering he's expecting old moldy voldy to jump out from behind something. On the other hand, I loved this line: "The tattered curtain still fluttered in an invisible breeze, and as he concentrated, he could hear the whispering voices." There's a simple elegance to it that heightens the poignancy of the situation.


Chapter 2: The Execution