Penname: Ashley Donnan [Contact]
Real name: Ashley Donnan
Member Since: 01/07/2006
Membership status: Member



Beta-reader: No
Gender: undisclosed


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Reviews by Ashley Donnan

6-year-old Sirius Black just wouldn’t listen; he snuck into the family cellar despite being forbiddened to do so... A broken artifact brought about a chain of events that’ll bring us to a different world. Although most of the events stayed the same, his absence brought about some minor changes; now Sirius is in Harry’s time.

This is a story that will reveal what will happen if the most mischievous of the Marauders joins forces with the ever-creative Weasley Twins. This is an epic tale that will reveal the mysterious myths and history of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Blacks.

Be mystified, and roll over with laughter, as Sirius bumbled his way through his 1st year at Hogwarts in this alternate tale of the HP tradition.

 



Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Alternate Universe (AU)
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Mystery
Warnings: Alternate Universe
Chapters: 19 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 86696; Read Count: 16590; Completed: No

Updated: 06/04/2007; Published: 01/09/2006
Reviewer: Ashley Donnan (Signed)
01/10/2006
This is a good beginning. There's no way that someone could NOT read the next chapter (which I will do in a sec). It's a very exciting story so far, and I really like the r'ship between Sirius and Regulus so far. I'm also surprised that Sirius's mother is so...nice...I really like the way you haven't made her into the Wicked Witch of the West. I know you have betas already but there are a few minor errors in this chapter. I think maybe you should go through it again with a fine-tooth comb, because there's no reason to let one or two mistakes spoil an otherwise excellent fic. :D

Author's Response: ^_^ ... I think all mothers would love their child ... especially at this certain stage. Mrs. Black may only start to hate Sirius on the later years ... but not on this fic ^_^ ... Although she's not exactly nice ... she's Mrs. Black ^_^

Will check it again...


Chapter 1: Prologue
Reviewer: Ashley Donnan (Signed)
01/10/2006
This chapter is so much better than the prologue, which was good! Lol. One line that I lovedlovedloved was, "Deep within the once grand house the air stirred, and the dark halls seemed to whisper their welcome to one of its former occupants." It is a fantastic line, really. Although, at times your descriptions seem a little off, you have the ability, but I think you are unsure of some things, for example, you said "a crop of long hair". Well, crop means 'short' so it's a bit of a contradiction. As in the previous chapter there are a few minor mistakes, which could be fixed with a close readthrough. This chapter truly was great! I am looking forward to the next one. :D

Author's Response: *lol* It does work better than: (Inside the house) *lol* That was how I originally described in until a reviewer much like yourself told me to not do that - that I'm suppose to write a novel not a 'Play' ^_^ .

Thanks corrected that.

The next one would have a different feel to these past 2 chapters. Wanted a light chapter before the chapter that contains some revelation.


Chapter 2: Chapter 1 - Out of His Time
by []
[Reviews - ]


Categories: Orphan; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: None
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: None
Warnings: None
Chapters: 0 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 0; Read Count: 0; Completed: No

Updated: 12/31/1969; Published: 12/31/1969
Reviewer: Ashley Donnan (Signed)
01/09/2006
James, this is brilliant! I'm so intrigued! I am definitely going to follow this fic closely as you post it. You have no reason at all to be nervous. Godric, if I had written a fic like this I would be singing. :) I lovelovelove the word "scudded" that you used to describe the clouds. I am actually making a note of it. :] The thing I really like about this, apart from the fact that I know there's more to come, is that you don't use awkward words or phrases to describe things, yet still manage to convey the scene effectively. Really brilliant. Can't wait for more.


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