The concept of this was great, but I must say I felt rather cheated. This had the potential for a lot of depth, and if you sat and properly developed it, the story could make quite an engaging oneshot.
To me, the piece felt very awkward... I'm not sure if it's just your writing style or if it didn't get enough editing attention, but the lines felt very forced and some of the words seemed out of place. Lines like, "After a minute or two of quiet reflection in the depths of their anxieties, Ron and Hermione both concluded their next move." The words don't come together properly, so it halts the natural flow of the story.
I hope you don't look at this as a flame or anything of the sort; I feel your drabble has enormous potential to be something more. If you ever decide to develop it further and work on it with a few betas (both steps I highly encourage), let me know if you post another version of this. It's a really great concept, a sweet idea indeed that just needs a little polish.
Take care and keep writing!
Author's Response: Hellooo- I just felt like defending my honor... well, not really, but just explaining my fan fic a little.
I\'m sorry you felt sort of cheated :\\ That was definately not intended. This story was supposed to be only a page, really, since it started out as a quick scene I came up with. There wasn\'t supposed to be depth or any sort of story line at all (hehe).
As for the awkward writing, I can\'t do much about that because that\'s just how the structure was formed. I wanted to write this story in a very straight forward kind of way- I guess it ended up being a little dry.
Anyways... this was a drabble story for a reason. :) It was supposed to be a snapshot into their boring lives without Voldemort or school or people... just them--- and then a random proposal.
I don\'t think I really want to redo the entire thing and come up with better descriptions or try to develop them further... It was a quickie and I wanted to share my cute little idea.
BUT! I promise that if I want to change something and decide to go full out and really work on it-- I\'ll make sure you\'ll hear of it first :D
Thank you soooo much for feedback- Sorry that I\'m a loser and actually responded, but I just like having people know where I\'m coming from and maybe not concluding to the wrong idea. I love comments like these because they make me think why the hell I wrote the fic the way I did and whatnot.
Keep commenting, the fan fiction world needs people like you & I\'ll keep writing, I promise!
Chapter 1: Very Grown Up