Penname: Cyborg [Contact]
Real name: Nathan
Member Since: 08/13/2006
Membership status: Member

A dude in college that likes to write.

I've got 2 stories going, in two completely different styles. One is something of a medium scale epic (or its going to be) and the other involves a single main character (currently) trying to discover his past.

Check them both out and review!



Beta-reader: Yes
Gender: male


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Reviews by Cyborg

Alex Ryerson has been kidnapped while visiting Hogsmeade on a school trip. Auror Ginny Weasley has been assigned to find him. But when Alex's father turns out to be the presumed dead Harry Potter, things get complicated and secrets cannot be kept forever.



Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Alternate Universe (AU), Dark Fiction
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Action/Adventure
Warnings: Mild Language, Mild Violence
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 4842; Read Count: 4140; Completed: No

Updated: 10/20/2006; Published: 08/25/2006
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/28/2006
Hmmm... intriguing. You always seem to find great stories that are only a few chapters in. Update soon!


Chapter 2: The Resurrected Mr. Potter
Why Me? by HermioneTwin [Mid Teens]
starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 7]
Step right up ladies and gents and hear the disturbing tale of the worst day of my entire life! Could things possibly get any worse I ask you? But of course, this is ME we're talking about! As if all this wasn't enough, I now have the honor and horror of officially announing that I, Hermione Granger, will have to spend a whole year with none other than the one, the only...Drraaco Maalfoy! HGDM, slight mention of HGRW


Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Romance
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: General
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Strong Language
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 7384; Read Count: 1934; Completed: No

Updated: 02/04/2007; Published: 08/28/2006
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/26/2006
How depressing :) The diary approach is an interesting way of going about the story through Hermione's eyes. Are you planning on sticking with it, or are you going to got towards more of a third person narrative?

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for the review Cyborg! I'm sorry if I got you depressed! :) I suggest ice-cream for that! Preferably the eeextra oh-so-rich and creamy kind! =D

I'm glad you liked the diary idea! I don't really know if I'm going to stick with it or not. Maybe drop in a few entries here and there to make Hermione's thoughts clearer, or maybe I'll just write out her point of view in italic whenever I wan't to describe her emotions...Hmm...we'll see!

Thank you so much for reviewing, I can't tell you how happy that makes me!!!! :)

Cheers,

Jess :) 




Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/26/2006

Oh me oh my. What a powerful incentive for Draco to turn away from the dark lord. Children have always been a stong symbol of innocence, and combining that with the rose (a white one nonetheless) it reflects Draco's hestiency to do away with something so pure. 

I may be looking too far into it, but I loved how she gave him the white rose, perhaps its telling us that Draco has a bit of innocence left in himself? Or am I looking too far into it? 

 I would try to shy away from putting authors notes, or anything similar, into the body of the story. FLASHBACK and END OF FLASHBACK notes remind the reader that they arent part of the story, and you lose some of your power as an author over them.

 

Great job! I predict his may be a Draco/Hermione fic? 

 



Author's Response:

<>Wow! Thank you sooo incredibly much for that amazing review!!!!! I find it so great that you read into it that much! Don't worry, you're far from reading into it TOO much though! Of course not, I find it awesome! =)

<> You're point of view on the innocence of children and the white rose and how it affects Draco if exactly how I hoped people would see it. The rose symbolizes something pure and delicate, given by an innocent child who has no idea of the actual evilness  standing before her. It saved Draco from murder, and it may indeed save him again...oops, did I say too much?

<>Draco does indeed have some innocence left in him. He hasn't murdered or performed an unforgivable, and as I mentioned, he does have a conscience. His father may have slightly brainwashed him into his prejudices, but he hasn't broken him yet!

<>I'll definately take your advice on the author notes and such. You're completely right, it does take a reader out of the story. I'm happy you brought that up, as I had failed to see it before you mentioned it. Thanks a ton for that one!

<>I thank you infinatively for the AMAZING review! Actually, I should say reviewS! You made my day sweetie! :)

<>As for you prediction, well, we'll just see about that...wink wink!

Thanks a bunch my dear! 

<>Jess :) 

<>



Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
10/29/2006
Liked it, but some of the dialogue during the argument was confusing. Make sure its clear to the reader who is saying what. I think you are having draco say here what Rowling is having him think in canon. Very nice!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much once more Cyborg for the great review! Yay! I'm so happy that you think Draco's okay! I wouldn't want to change the character from what JK intended so I'm very glad to hear you say that! :)

I 'll take your advice on the dialogue thing! Thanks for the heads up! :)

<>Thanks a bunch! I always love you reviews! :)

HermioneTwin :) 

<>



Chapter 3: Chapter 3

When Harry could never understand the power the dark lord didn't know of, he found the most unusual teacher. A very unique one-shot, which I hope you enjoy reading!



Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Dark Fiction
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Angst, General
Warnings: Character Death, Dark Fiction, Mild Language, Mild Violence
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 6471; Read Count: 638; Completed: Yes

Updated: 09/03/2006; Published: 09/03/2006
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/03/2006

Great story! Really made me sad, and I truly hope JKR doesn't kill off Harry like some people speculate she might, just so no one asks her, "What happens to Harry?" 

But I digress. Great stuff, and I suggest making the dialogue a bit more natural in some places. Loved it! 

 



Author's Response: Thanks a ton! I hope that Harry survives the war too, but this fic demanded the end result. I also appreciate your constructive criticism and hope to improve on it



Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Obliviate by VacantSkies [Mid Teens]
starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 26]

COMPLETE! Against his will, Harry's mind is erased to protect him... from himself. AU.



Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Alternate Universe (AU), General Fan Fiction
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, General, Mystery
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Mild Language
Chapters: 11 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 42692; Read Count: 8740; Completed: Yes

Updated: 11/08/2006; Published: 09/12/2006
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/24/2006

Hmm.... Very interesting start. A nice bit of mystery to keep the readers going. Where is Harry? Who is this woman? What caused Dumby to obliviate him?

Have you held of on describing the woman for now? I'm dead curious as to what she looks like. I like it! 

 




Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/24/2006

Very nice, very nice. Can't really find anything to comment about. You seem to like to leave things hanging. :)

As for the co-worker's names... I have no idea.




Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/24/2006
It seems like you're painting Dumbledore to be his nastly old interfearing self, at least in Nora's eyes. Very nice chapter. I feel obligated to read on, and that is a very good sign for you as an author.


Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/24/2006

Ouch. This was the one thing that I feared. Poor Harry.

I like the way that the story is slowly unfolding ever so subtly from "James" eyes. You are always calling him James, because he really isnt Harry Potter right now. You're using the unreliable narrator strategy very well, and it makes for an intriguing story. 

 




Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Reviewer: Cyborg (Signed)
09/24/2006

Please don't tell me that Nora is manipulating Harry. Poor guy gets enough of that crap from other people.

One thing that I noticed in this last part was that there was never a tag of Harry or James whenever he said something. Only "he". I want to know who Harry/James identifies himself as!



Author's Response:

Hey, that was pretty darn sharp of you to notice that! ;)

We'll see how his character unfolds in the upcoming chapters, eh?

Since I planned the entire story out (including the ending!!!) I can most definitely promise you that we'll be seeing much more of Nora, so you might want to hold judgement on her character until then. :D

Oh, and I apologize for not responding to any reviews up until this point - stupid me only noticed just NOW that there is a handy little "Respond" button! 




Chapter 6: Chapter 6