Member Since: 05/11/2006
Membership status: Member
I'm a little confused at this point, especially since you brought in all of the characters so quickly. I'll read it more carefully later, your characters do seem interesting, and your writing is great! I loved how you characterized Peter as someone who wasn't as stupid as a lot of the other fanfiction writers portray him as.
As you can see, I'm a huge stickler for creativity...and a huge hypocrite. Hopefully, you won't think me so. My own story is just beginning, so...right. No more blatant self-advertising.
Do forgive me, and keep up the great work,
Hm...your writing is good, but you may have gotten this warning before; take care not to make your character, particularly Sapphire, a Mary-Sue. She is already beautiful, innocent (this could be read as "pure") powerful (an Unregistered Animagus), and caring. She also has a lot of boys after her, and is popular. Be sure to give her flaws. The only one that you have listed so far is her naivete, which is a bit of a virtue as well.
I thought that you could've showed more emotion on Sapphire's part when she found out the news about her mother, and when she found out about Remus. While James, Sirius, Peter, and others were quite accepting of Lupin's...furry little problem...remember that a large part of the wizarding world distrusts werewolves. I'd like to see more shock on Sapphire's part.