Penname: Cody DeDannan [Contact]
Real name: Saber Alexander
Member Since: 04/10/2006
Membership status: Member

I've been writing now for about fifteen years.  I began with horrible Mary Sue characters in original stories in middle school.  When I got out of high school I discovered what fanfiction was and started with ThunderCats.  I have since expanded my repertoire.

I have my ThunderCats fanfiction and other stories here:  http://www.hyenastormcub.com/stories/stories.html

 I also have a website of writing tips that some may find useful here:  http://www.hyenastormcub.com/stories/writingtips.html

Hope you enjoy! 



Web Site: http://www.hyenastormcub.com/
Beta-reader: No

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Reviews by Cody DeDannan
A young Remus Lupin only wants to play. Unfortunately, his desire to go outside to see the moon and stars leads to his unfortunate encounter with his destiny. Written before HBP

Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Character Study
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Drama, General
Warnings: Mild Violence
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 4643; Read Count: 335; Completed: Yes

Updated: 01/15/2006; Published: 01/15/2006
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Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006
Another very good story!  I enjoy how you've done it from a child's point of view, and very realistically, too.  Poor kid, having to be chained up when he gets older...  :(  The scene-setting and tone of the story were very well conveyed, and the characters were believable.  If I were to offer constructive critisism, it would be mostly mechanics.
 
---Maybe when Papa teaches him how to fly, he could fly up there on his own broom.---
 
"teaches" ought to be "taught" to fit in with the same past tense.
 
---But … if I’m real quiet, as quiet as Mr. Jinx, their kitty cat, maybe they won’t see me.---
 
Another tenses conflict...  "their kitty cat" doesn;t fit with the first-person POV of the thought...  Remus already knows Mr.Jinx is their cat, he woudln;t have to clarify it to himself.  Would it be possible to mention the cat when Remus is thinking about the fish?  Or perhaps afterwards when talking of how the cat walks?  The only other thing i would mention is over using the phrase "little boy".  I do that a lot myself when I write about children (which I write about often!)
 
Man, Roman is a little creep!  Poor Remus....  Did you omit Remus's age on purpose?  I know it never says in canon how old Remus was.


Author's Response:

Actually, I think in HBP, it states he is five, but my book is downstairs LOL. I had in mind for him to be much younger in this story -- 2 or 3. This was written before HBP.

Thanks for the review, and pointing out the goofs!



Chapter 1: n/a
Charon's Gift by Philyra912 [Mid Teens]
starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 6]
Post-HBP. On a joyless Christmas Eve, Hermione goes to visit the graves of the fallen. There she meets the man who destroyed her hope, and perhaps the only one who can give it back to her.

Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Romance
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Angst
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Mild Language
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 9716; Read Count: 290; Completed: No

Updated: 01/29/2006; Published: 01/29/2006
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Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006

Wow.  This was a very chilling, and I admit a depressing story.  i don't usually read stories that will depress me, but this one I coudln't quite get away from.  Very well done.  And there *was* that surge of hope at the end.  It was, I think, a believable way for Malfoy to have turned...and still be kept in character.

 

If I were to offer a bit of constructive critisism...I was a little disappointed in the kiss.  It seemed a little out of place to me, especially with hermione and Draco.  No matter how much hermione believes in the good of people, I can't believe her kissing Draco after all he's done. Trying to redeem him...yes.  But the kiss...

 

Still, that's a small thing.  Well done. 



Chapter 1: Charon's Gift
FeatureThe hunt for the Horcruxes begins. Harry has to decide who to trust as he moves closer to fulfilling his destiny. Will he be able to find and destroy all the Horcruxes? And at what price? Will he be able to find the strength within himself – the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not – in order to succeed in vanquishing Voldemort? And…can he do it and still get the girl? Join Harry and his faithful friends on their quest to finally defeat a Dark Lord.

Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: General Fan Fiction
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Fluff
Warnings: Character Death, Mild Violence
Chapters: 34 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 285079; Read Count: 51994; Completed: Yes

Updated: 11/11/2006; Published: 02/25/2006
[Report This]
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006
Chapter 1 review:
 
LOL!  Oh wow, Dudley a wizard...  Man that poor kid, when he finds out he's a "freak"; he is going to remember everyhting his mother always said about wizards...man poor Dudley.  Never thought I woudl feel sorry for him.  his parents are evil!  Liking this story so far, and will likely comment as I read.
 
<<They’re able to do…to…to use their things?>>
 
LOL!  That always amused me, the "thing" reference.
 
You're doing wonderfully so far with the characterization, and I am gleeful seeing how the Dursleys are having to swallow their pride.  oh how I would love to see Harry turn them all into toads!
 
One constructive critisicm I might make is the lack of scene setting.  You are very good with action and characterization, but I am not seeing the setting, or feeling the mood of the place.  Mood-setting and scene descriptions would really make this chapter stand out, I think.
 
---He enjoyed plotting it, nonetheless.---
 
Yeah me too!



Chapter 1: Secrets Unravelled
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006

Hello! Me again! When I review a story, I review the good and the bad. I hope that it will help and that you take it in the spirit it's intended; to be helpful. I am enjoying this story a great deal, and if I didn't, I wouldn;t take the time. : )

:sniggers at the beginning of chapter 2:: Nice

description, I love it. --Uncle Vernon must be loving this.-- Why is that..? Hermione is deluded. That's all I've got to say! LOL! Tell the shower how hot! That's great. I enjoy how you contrast the Muggle and wizard worlds.

---He could never allow any of them to become another spare--- Oo, "spare". Nice. I love the transformed cat flap!

Items-That-Can't-Be-Named... lol You have a way with words!

---For several days, their paths and Dudley’s hadn’t crossed, but on a sunny afternoon when the trio had abandoned Harry’s room to sit in the back garden that all changed.--- That seemed to me to be an abrupt transition. And about the gnome, in canon, Ron had seen gnomes, the Muggle kind, before. He said something like "I;ve seen what Muggles think are gnomes, like fat little Father Christmases with fishing poles." Then he went ahead to show Harry a real gnome.

---"I could make them do anything I wanted, couldn’t I?"--- Ooooo. Bad sign. LOL "Mubbles"?

---Hermione’s attempts at striking up a friendship with Aunt Petunia had continued, but they had – of course – been futile--- I didn;t think that the "had" was necessary there...makes it sound like an afterthought.

I absolutely LOVED Ron's telling off the Dursleys! And I really like Hermione's telling them off also, though it seemed awkward to me, that scene. Like Harry and Ron's reactions didn;t seem to jibe with the seriousness of the situationm and how Hermione was willing to use Levicorpus on the Dursleys for how they had treated Harry. It's a serious moment (GOOD FOR HERMIONE! !) but it seemed a little rushed and...the boys' amused reactions seemed to take away from what could have been a far more chilling or striking scene. The amusement part, I think, would work better after the fact. Wonderful chapter!



Chapter 2: When One Door Closes
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006
--"Great," Harry mumbled into his pillow. "Now I’m dreaming about fairy tales, only I’m the damn Damsel in Distress." Harry knew he would never tell another living soul about that dream as long as he lived.--
 
LOL Poor kid.
 
-- I’ve already shrunken our trunks--
 
Sheesh.  At first I thought that read "I've already shrunken our heads"  ROFL
 
The Potters lived in Wales.  Cool.
 
---Harry decided that he really didn’t want to know---
 
I want to know!  Aw, why *didn't* Harry sprint inside?  I love his welcome though!  The explosion...that's twin-greeting all right.  And the interaction between them and Fleur was highly amusing!
 
---Ron grinned at Harry when he said it, but the sudden realization hit Harry like a punch to the gut.

He was homeless. ---

*Very* nice.  lol  Poor Ron.  He can be clueless.  (And once again I misread "shrunken trunks" as "shrunken heads"  I must have those on  my mind.)

"have a good snog"?!  LOL

You might not want to use the expresison "shoe on the other foot" too often.

Hmm.  I think Hary will regret it if he leaves Ginny behind.  For a good relationship, one can;t be over protective of another.  It puts the one being protected in a lesser position.  One not able to make their own decisions or take care of themselves.

---"You mean they both ended up with a present they couldn’t use?" Ron asked, horrified.---

LOL!

---"Maybe regular shagging will help."---

Whoo!  She certainly doesn;t mince words.  Impropriety detectors...  That's Molly all right.  Whoops!  Krum will be there.  Sheesh.  "Jean-Lucifer"?  lol Again you have a way with words!

As I hsve said, I am not a fan of romance, but this story's not *too* thick with it and I am enjoying the other plots.  Nice chapter!  Nice interactionas.  It could use some more narration though, instead of just telling the reader what everyone is doing.  You get into the emptions pretty well, but again some mood setting would really bring the chapter out.



Chapter 3: ...Another one opens
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006
Overindulge a little bit, did you, harry?
 
---Harry suspected the twins were devising a major prank.---
 
Oh, there's something different.  LOL  I do notice in your stories, some of the formnatting seems to have gone awry.  Sometimes half a sentence will be repeated, or missing...that kind of thing.
 
The monster in Harry's chest is prevelent...like in the sixth book.  Be careful not to overdo it.  (I kinda thought it was overdone in the Half Blood Prince, myself.  But then not caring much for romance plots might have something to do with that opinion.)  A reference in Harry's thoughts about how the monster was seeming to be a permanent resident or something might add a bit of reason as to why it's so prevalent though.  Just a suggestion.
 
I really like your characterizations on Fluer's family.
 
--Hence the reason he’d imbibed so much at the stag party the previous evening.--
 
Oops!  This was actually a nice segue into what happened at the party.  Though it does make the chapter slightly confusing...  you go back and forth in time periods, and one is not quite sure what happened when.  It would be a lot clearer to me if there was more continuity in chronological order.
 
  Fire-whiskey sounds revolting.
 
How come Harry's dress robes are now gray?
 
Dudley being a wizard...I noticed in a reply to a review earlier you said it would be a minor plot...  Will it come into play at all?  Something that immense, Dudley being a wizard, seems like it should play a larger part, else one might be left wondering why the heck it was in the story to begin with.  One is left having read this very interesting plot twist, then finds it had nothing really to do with the story at hand.  Just a passing observation.
 
---"Yes. The same place you were looking. Honestly, Harry. It’s called a push-up bra," Hermione said, her cheeks turning pink.---
 
LOL!! 
 
---"A bit?" Ron demanded furiously.---
 
And LOL some more!  Nice little scene you've inserted!  And Tonks is eyerending megenta lol
 
---It was better for her and all involved if he kept his distance and allowed her to move on with her life.---
 
Sheesh.  Arrogant little bloke.  Overprotective people are irritating.  LOL  Hopefully Ginny will be able to prove that he's being silly.
 
---He realized that he fell in love with that feisty, stand-up-for-what-she-believed-in girl, and then he asked her to change. That wasn’t really fair to either of them," Remus said, taking another drink.---
 
Oo, Remus is a wise sort!  Part of why he's my favorite character.
 
Aw, man?  Who asked those two numbskulls??  (Scrimgeour and Percy)  And bravo to Harry.  heh heh Gabrielle is a cunning little kid!  Hey, watch yer eyes Harry.  You are dancing with a lady!  Kind of.  LOL  Though I kinda feel sorry for ol' Jean-Luc lol 
 
Ack!  Dementors!!
 
---"Expecto Patronum," Ginny bellowed, and her tiger mowed down her mother’s attacker. "Go now, Mum."---
 
Another bit of ill-formatting. 
 
A very good end to the chapter...  The action bit, though, it kind of loose.  There's no tight action, there's nothing compeltely riveting the reader to the spot, putting them in the middle of the action.  Great chapter!  On to the next.


Chapter 4: Until Death Do Us Part
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006
---"If zose Death Eaters do get in, zey will come right for you. You should evacuate now."---
 
Harry's courage is admirable, but Fleur's got a point.  Not because Harry can;t care for himself, but he is the LEAST expendable ot the lot!  He's the one that has to defeat ol' Moldy Shorts!
 
VERY nice descriptions of what the Burrow means to Harry.  hell, it nearly made me cry!
 
---how it felt to belong and not simply be cast aside as a nuisance.---
 
Or worse.  ::grumbles some not-nice things about the Dursleys::  And LOL about Arthur's plugs.
 
---I literally saw one Death Eater’s body being flung through the air.---
 
Woo hoo!  I hope it was that big bond Death Eater who was an idiot in Book 6.
 
---. "Ginny can say thanks by snogging your brains out later."---
 
Man, the Weasleys certainly aren;t ones for subtlety!  Or tact!  LOL  Oo and Ginny said Voldemort's name.
 
Hmm.  you've used the word "snog" an awful lot now...might want to be careful of overusing it. It loses its impact and meaning if you use it too much.
 
--"What’s this I hear of Weasleys being messed with? That just can’t be allowed," Fred said as he entered room.--
 
You really have their character down.  And the mental image of him with florwers in all the tears, and...  :shakes head::
 
Reproducing bird feed??  lol Poor Percy.
 
---Moody is handing out Memory Charms like Honeydukes chocolate---
 
That figures.
 
*Did* Harry promise *only* to tell Ron and Hermione?  It;s been a while since I read Book 6.
 
You have a somewhat gentler, suave Moody than I know from the books.
 
--"Draco and Narcissa Malfoy," Tonks said, speaking for the first time. Her face contorted into an ugly scowl. "My family."--
 
Whoa!!  There's a plopt twist to make my head hurt.
 
Oh wow.  It really sucks to have that miserable little creep in the house!  I never would have suspected, but it makes sense.
 
Well then.  I hope to see more of this story!  Sure hope Harry will be careful, going to Godric's Hollow alone.


Chapter 5: And Life Goes On
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006
PS--the Seventh Horcrux, eh?  I have an idea or two about what that might be!  :grin:


Author's Response:

Hi, and thanks so much for your wonderfully detailed reviews!  I don\'t mind the criticism at all, I just don\'t always agree with it ;)

I completely agree with your comments about setting up the scene. It\'s been mentioned before, and I am working on it. I think it comes from my own personal preference. I hate the descriptive stuff and always skim right over it to get to the dialog. I suppose I write that way, too, but I\'m trying to work on it.

While I tend to have more than just romance, this story will be, at heart, a romance - I just wanted to give you fair warning.  I know JKR won\'t give it to us (although I was so delighted by how much of it was in HBP), so that\'s why I enjoy fanfiction - to get my fix.

I\'m glad you like the twins. In canon, they are are very high up on my favorite lists. I agree with you that I have Moody too refined. I have a tough time with him, but I like him so I\'m using him. Hagrid, too - I have a horrible time with Hagrid so I use him as little as possible.

I hope you\'ll continue to read and review. I appreciated your comments immensely. Thanks for taking the time.



Chapter 5: And Life Goes On
Phoenix Song by ladylarna [Young Teens]
starstarstarstar [Reviews - 5]

Tom Riddle confronts young Harry Potter in the Chamber of Secrets. Alternate POV.



Categories: Harry Potter; Characters: None; Archive Challenge: None
Classification: Dark Fiction
Crossover Classes: None
Genres: General
Warnings: Dark Fiction
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 1203; Read Count: 476; Completed: Yes

Updated: 03/06/2006; Published: 03/06/2006
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Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006

Oo!  I like this one very much!  Great descriptions and great characterization on Riddle.  If I were to offer a constructive critisism, it would be a small one.  Some of your narration is a little awkward.   I caught a couple of fragments that interupted the flow, and one non-narrator-ish thing (which potter knew by name, incidentally) that sort of broke the spell slightly for me. 

But again I enjoyed the alternate POV a great deal! 



Chapter 1: Phoenix Song
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006

Oo!  I like this one very much!  Great descriptions and great characterization on Riddle.  If I were to offer a constructive critisism, it would be a small one.  Some of your narration is a little awkward.   I caught a couple of fragments that interupted the flow, and one non-narrator-ish thing (which potter knew by name, incidentally) that sort of broke the spell slightly for me. 

But again I enjoyed the alternate POV a great deal! 



Chapter 1: Phoenix Song