Overindulge a little bit, did you, harry?
---Harry suspected the twins were devising a major prank.---
Oh, there's something different. LOL I do notice in your stories, some of the formnatting seems to have gone awry. Sometimes half a sentence will be repeated, or missing...that kind of thing.
The monster in Harry's chest is prevelent...like in the sixth book. Be careful not to overdo it. (I kinda thought it was overdone in the Half Blood Prince, myself. But then not caring much for romance plots might have something to do with that opinion.) A reference in Harry's thoughts about how the monster was seeming to be a permanent resident or something might add a bit of reason as to why it's so prevalent though. Just a suggestion.
I really like your characterizations on Fluer's family.
--Hence the reason he’d imbibed so much at the stag party the previous evening.--
Oops! This was actually a nice segue into what happened at the party. Though it does make the chapter slightly confusing... you go back and forth in time periods, and one is not quite sure what happened when. It would be a lot clearer to me if there was more continuity in chronological order.
Fire-whiskey sounds revolting.
How come Harry's dress robes are now gray?
Dudley being a wizard...I noticed in a reply to a review earlier you said it would be a minor plot... Will it come into play at all? Something that immense, Dudley being a wizard, seems like it should play a larger part, else one might be left wondering why the heck it was in the story to begin with. One is left having read this very interesting plot twist, then finds it had nothing really to do with the story at hand. Just a passing observation.
---"Yes. The same place you were looking. Honestly, Harry. It’s called a push-up bra," Hermione said, her cheeks turning pink.---
---"A bit?" Ron demanded furiously.---
And LOL some more! Nice little scene you've inserted! And Tonks is eyerending megenta lol
---It was better for her and all involved if he kept his distance and allowed her to move on with her life.---
Sheesh. Arrogant little bloke. Overprotective people are irritating. LOL Hopefully Ginny will be able to prove that he's being silly.
---He realized that he fell in love with that feisty, stand-up-for-what-she-believed-in girl, and then he asked her to change. That wasn’t really fair to either of them," Remus said, taking another drink.---
Oo, Remus is a wise sort! Part of why he's my favorite character.
Aw, man? Who asked those two numbskulls?? (Scrimgeour and Percy) And bravo to Harry. heh heh Gabrielle is a cunning little kid! Hey, watch yer eyes Harry. You are dancing with a lady! Kind of. LOL Though I kinda feel sorry for ol' Jean-Luc lol
---"Expecto Patronum," Ginny bellowed, and her tiger mowed down her mother’s attacker. "Go now, Mum."---
Another bit of ill-formatting.
A very good end to the chapter... The action bit, though, it kind of loose. There's no tight action, there's nothing compeltely riveting the reader to the spot, putting them in the middle of the action. Great chapter! On to the next.