Penname: thecrimsonwhisperer [Contact]
Real name: The Angel of Music
Member Since: 06/05/07
Membership status: Member



Beta-reader: No


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Reviews by thecrimsonwhisperer
starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 10]
Past Featured Story

A pregnant woman, tainted before her own birth, finds that her baby will become the Devil's child and result in the end of days. Now she must deal with the discovery and figure out if she should kill her baby or let him live and bring about the end of the world.



Categories: Horror Fiction; Characters: None; Chapters: 5 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 7784; Read Count: 2087; Completed: Yes

Updated: 07/04/07; Published: 22/03/07
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
15/10/07

How awful...I have no idea what I'd do...I'd probably curl up in a ball and die of despair. Not even the priest would listen, but in his defense, look how crazy her story sounds. At least her dad will listen, and I think he will believe her. But what to do? Such a good story idea...looking forward to the next chapter.




Chapter 3: Forsaken
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
16/10/07

I don't think an epilogue is nessecary...in fact I would disreccomend it...there is nothing else you need to add to this story.

It's tragic, it's horrific...obviously a sublime entry to the challenge.

I don't think you could have written the ending any other way and have been successful. You just can't carry Satan's child and be okay with that, at the same time if she had just had the abortion...where's the conflict?

Great story, just as I suspected, I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to it.



Author's Response:

No problem

I am happy you read it at all. I tried writing an epilogue for it though and failed miserably. so I said forget it.

Anyways, thank you so much for reviewing. And if you want, I am now writing the story for Christina, if you want to read it.




Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
15/10/07

I don't blame you...what an awful thing to write, you did it as good as I would be able to...so I don't think I have any advice to offer.

I like the way you wrote your Devil..he is very very real in a frightening way. And what he said after he had finished was icky...damn Satan. But good writing him.

Thats all for now...next chapter.




Chapter 2: Chapter 2: The Virgin's Blood
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
15/10/07

Great so far, I've been putting off reading this for so long...and I'm about to zip to the next chapter I just wanted to point out a small typo at the end...

Instead of: ...Or thought her had seen

Or thought "he" had seen.

See you at the next chapter.




Chapter 1: The Beginning
The Appeal of a Corset by Naga [Young Adult]
starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 5]
Janis is hell-bent on finding out who the trollop is that has been cheating with her boyfriend.  When she walks into a downtown gothic club in full costume, she catches the eye of a regular, and begins to wonder if revenge is really all that important.

Categories: Romance Fiction, May Challenge; Characters: None; Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 2268; Read Count: 248; Completed: Yes

Updated: 22/05/07; Published: 22/05/07
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
10/08/07

Haha! Brilliantly romantic. I would totally be Janis, like I could see that happening to me...being totally skeptical and then the tempting exotic brunette winning me over.

I think it worked out to be totally realistic and just a smart romance story.

My only complaint would be the out of place Angelina Jolie reference I didn't think it was a very good comparison and it interrupted the flow of the story momentarily.

Other than that, fantastic, I was totally won over by this story!




Chapter 1: The Appeal of a Corset
Crystal Fantasy by LadyMortis [Young Teen]
starstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 5]
Feature

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I am in another place, another time; a place where the constant hardships of life cannot interrupt the calm serenity of my fantasy.

A woman, suffering the many hardships of life, has become cynical of humanity and all it entails. Caught in the endless terrors the world seems to conjure, she is beginning to lose faith in man. Then she meets Keiran.

"Your tears bring hope that one day, enough tears will have been shed to end this seeming eternal war"

Keiran, the wind sage of Utopia, is a figment of her imagination. Yet as their relationship strengthens and grows, she begins to wonder where the line is that seperates reality and fantasy and if it can be blurred until they are one and the same.



Categories: July Challenge, Fantasy Fiction; Characters: None; Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 3015; Read Count: 996; Completed: Yes

Updated: 08/07/07; Published: 06/07/07
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
03/09/07

You submitted this as a romance and that doesn't really seem right, it's so much bigger than that. But then again nothing is bigger than love so maybe it is a romance, then again the thought occurs to me she is merely romancing herself, so I think it actually is bigger than romance, a real love story.

I adore that her name is Hope...I have a friend name Hope and her spirit reflects her name everyday. While this Hope does that in a different way she does whatever she can to make sure she has Hope and Love and Faith. I think it was very appropriate.

It was very hard to accept that Keiran was not real because he was so lovely but just figment of her imagination of her need to keep believing.

I also like your historical reference to WWII, I adore historical fiction and while it was heartwrenching as all WWII fiction is it was the perfect place to set this story and Hope's Utopia.

I have one nitpick while very minor and based entirely on preference, I'd still thought I'd mention it.

It was as if time had stopped and all I could do was stare at that face and wonder how the hell this could have been happening. 

I think the use of "hell" in this sentence disrupts the flow of your words and that sentence would be more effective without it.

This was a well done story, and very deserving winner of the challenge.  

 

 



Author's Response:

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my story. I am very happy that you appreciated the writing and, I had actually had no idea that I won the challenge until I got your review. Again, thank you so much for the wonderful review




Chapter 1: Hope, Faith and Love
Gangs by apollo13 [Young Teen]
starstarstarstarhalf-star [Reviews - 18]

This is a story that almost every teenage girl can relate to. This is the story of a girl who strives to be popular, but hates the popular people.

At first, it was harmless. At first, it could be passed of as a playground fight. At first, she was hurting peoples feelings.

At first, it didn't matter. But one night, in the quiet streets of her home town in England,  Becky takes things too far...



Categories: General Fiction; Characters: None; Chapters: 7 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 10841; Read Count: 9359; Completed: No

Updated: 01/03/09; Published: 26/07/07
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
08/10/07

What awful awful people...how could she possible stand being with them? The worst part is I know people who would do terrible thing like that...

I should let you know I was supposed to be doing homework but am now addicted to your story. Ta!



Author's Response:

So do I - in fact, every character in this is actually based on someone I know.

Glad you like it! :D

~Evie




Chapter 3: Orange Light
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
08/10/07
I enjoy this story so far, it's frustrating to read but also very entrancing...very "Mean Girls"-esq. I hope we see more of this girl soon, I like her. (I mean really, I need someone to not hate). Good work!

Author's Response:

How's it frustrating? >.< Is it frustrating in a good way or bad way?!

Keep reading! Next chapter being written! :D

~Evie




Chapter 5: The Box Office
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
08/10/07

lol, frustrating in a I want to keep reading so this conflict within myself will be resolved way.



Author's Response:

heh hehe - that's okay then. ;) I'm having a bit of writers block with the next chapter at the moment, but I have a one-shot in the queue, and I also have a humour one-shot written, but I'm not sure wether I'll submit it or not, because I've NEVER attempted it. Nevertheless, I will try and get it up ASAP. :)

~Evie



Author's Response: EDIT: Heh heh - scratch that, the one-shot's just been accepted. :D



Chapter 1: Them
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
07/01/08

Ah! You make my high school look like a peaches and cream prep school! How horrible it is to read about such a terrible and descriptive beating. I was so mad Becky didn't stand up for the girl...and then to nearly kill her! Is there any going back now? She is just as bad as the rest of them, maybe worse.

This story stresses me out majorly but it is very well written and I"ll be back for Chapter 7, so take that as a compliment :)



Author's Response:

No - there's no going back for Becky now. ;) I just want to make it clear - none of this stuff has happened to me or happened at my school!! I have simply used things I have heard about and my disturbing imagination!!

I'm glad you're coming back for chapter seven! It's in the queue now! :D

~Evie




Chapter 6: Blood on Your Hands
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
10/03/09

Even though it's been forever since TRC has been updated and this story has probably been waiting for ever, I hope you haven't abandoned it because it's still good, and shocking, and crazy all at once. It's nice having a fellow author also working on a multi-chaptered fic, it keeps me motivated. And really, even thought the cliff hanger isn't crazy, I'd like to see Becky's reaction.



Author's Response:

Well, at the moment I am currently doing ym GCSE exams, so all writing has been put on hold. Thank you for your support and lovely review though!

 

~Evie




Chapter 7: Malting Pothole
Ten Green Bottles by apollo13 [Young Teen]
starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 7]

That song calls me. Am I human? Maybe. No one knows. No one knows that it's me - me that takes the children. No one knows where they go.

They just vanish.

I only came a short while ago. But it's been enough time.

Why do you fear me so? The same reason you fear the dark. The same reason you fear that strange noise outside your window.

Because you can't see me. You can't stop me.

So here is the story of a few of my memorable victims. Read it, if you must, and make up your own mind on what I am, and where they go...



Categories: Horror Fiction; Characters: None; Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 2505; Read Count: 661; Completed: Yes

Updated: 16/08/07; Published: 15/08/07
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
20/08/07
Woah, talk about super creepy...it reminds me of the beginning of Pirates 3 when they are singing that song and the little boy at the beginning...you'll know what I mean if you've seen it...but yeah, well written definitely gripped my attention from beginning to end. I was a little annoyed because I want to know what it is taking all the kids but I don't think the story would be any better if you actually said and might actually detract from the eerie feeling. But anyway, well done, great story!

Author's Response:

Yay! :D Creepy, just what I wanted! :D Yeah, I was going to put what/who was taking the kid's, but it didn't really work and then I was thinking about the Blair witch and how you never actually see it and I just thought it'd be better without.

Yes, I've seen POTC3 ;) but it was more the Devils Footsteps I was thinking about when I wrote it, if you've ever read that. Very good book.

Glad you liked it!

~Evie




Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Love and Lies by apollo13 [Young Adult]
starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 4]

Liliana is only ten years old, and she's preparing to go into a "posh grammar school". This is her story of her parents divorce, and the marriage, or rather, lie, that preceeded it.

It accounts the innocent view of a child watching the break-up of a false relationship through un-blemished eyes, on a rough council estate, where families are deemed "hopeless" and "not worth the trouble".

With an alcoholic mother and unfaithful father, Liliana desperately seeks for real love in a cruel world which makes no sense.



Categories: General Fiction; Characters: None; Chapters: 1 Table of Contents Series: None
Word count: 1525; Read Count: 268; Completed: Yes

Updated: 08/10/07; Published: 03/10/07
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
12/10/07
*cough* I can read story summaries...she is 10 years old. Though that still doesn't help me decide whether I like the way the story was told.

Author's Response:

:p heh heh. I don't mind if you hate it - it was quite different to my usual style. :)

~Evie




Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Reviewer: thecrimsonwhisperer (Signed)
12/10/07

Man, you crank out stories like there is no tomorrow, maybe someday I'll get around to reading them all, for now though I'll just take a glance when I see something intriguing.

I wasn't sure whether I liked this style of writing or not, it was realistic but not at the same time. Because while she did get into grammar school (how old is she by the way?) she used some big words (which might work but someone that uses such big words I don't think would censor themselves in the middle of their narrative). But I don't even know how old she is so it's hard to say.

However the content was very interesting. My parents actually are divorced and their marriage was based on a lie too...I never had thought of it like that before but it was. Additionally their divorce came as a huge surprise to me and I was crushed at first but happy because once my dad moved out things were that much better with them apart /tmi. So I enjoyed her realistic-ness (surely not a word) about the whole thing...most of the time you get some messed up kid and too much drama but this was simpler, I enjoyed it.

I used to be able to give much more critiquing reviews, I'm sorry to have failed you as of late. But your stories are wonderful and I'm in awe at how fast you are able to think of them, I envy you.



Author's Response:

heh heh - thanks. :) I just have too many ideas for my own good. :)

Well, she sensors them because she is, quite simply, an innocent child, who doesn't like anything bad or wrong - like lies or swear words.

I come from a secure family, so I'm not sure whether I did this very well, but it is loosely based on a friend of mine, who bounced into school one day, broadly grinning, and said, "My mum and Dad are getting a divorce - finally!"

I appreciate that that is not everyone's experiance, and most kid's are distraught, but this is just one story. :)

Thank you for your comments! :D

~Evie




Chapter 1: Chapter 1