Real name: Evie
Member Since: 26/07/07
Membership status: Member
I like the start of this story, and you've already established Candice as a character who is very real.
However, I was a bit confused as to why she didn't take the bus - didn't she have enough money? Also, this bit:
And no offense but I really could hurt you if I wanted to and not just with my bike, especially if you wern't paying attention,
I dunno, it just sounded... wrong to me. Not quite right. Very bookish, and not very real. Also, there should be a comma after offense.
Other than those two nit-picks, I really liked it and I look forward to future chapters. :)
You know, Candices views on religion seem to be a lot like mine. ;-)
Hmm, there's definately something up with that man...
Huh? What? I'm confused and creeped out - there's something really weird going on here, and you've got me hooked!
**shudder** You've creeped me out AGAIN - I thought that Ignorance is Bliss was bad! How you come up with such disturbing idea's, I don't know...
Like I said before, this would make a great movie. I really liked how you managed to create this story, in only a drabble. :)
Keep up the good work, I look forward to reading more about this world!
Ooooh, so that's why Elenzer is different to the others! I hope we see more of him in the future - you've created a very interesting world.
aw, poor kid!
I hate graveyards - my best friend used to live right next to one, and her window over looked it. I used to get so scared whenever I slept around there.
But then, there's one in my village and I love it, because the epitaphs can be really inspirational, and some of the graves go back years and years - there's a couple from the 1800's and even one from the 1700's. There are others that are probably older, but they're too worn to read now.
Anyways, great fic!
Magdalena, 16-years-old, lives in Livorno (Tuscany), Italy. Ryan, 17-years-old, lives in Albany, Western Australia. How do the lives of these two teens interwine? Well, by being pen pals! They are assigned as each other's pen pals in a website and start corresponding easily, for they have common interests.
So how is this interesting? Well, Magdalena's father is offered a job...in a company in Albany! And who has to move along with him? Right -- the rest of the family. Who lives in Albany too again?
Numerous sub-plots and secondary characters (and BE AWARE of the band geekiness =P)
OI! I"M ENGLISH AND I LIKE TO THINK THAT WE DON'T HAVE AN ACCENT THAT MAKES PEOPLE WANT TO PUKE!!! My accent is far from sophisticated - I think you just don't like the English accents that the Simpsons make us out to have, along with all the actors in HP and other English films, who are all posh. Baisically, you can only make it as an actor if you're born with money and pushy parents. /rant
Other than that DESPECIABLE PART, it was really interesting, and sounded very much like the typical teenage worl. I would have liked occasional breaks from the emails, but I guess you'll lapse into proper story format once he moves, right?
It sounds like an interesting plot line. :)
JUST DON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE BAD ABOUT THE ENGLISH, 'CAUSE WE CAN ROCK TOO! :p
Evie -- I don't dislike the accent, really, just my characters do XD; But you know, you're probably right. It's movies (and stupid recordings I have to hear in English class) that distort my notion of the english accent. The other day in English, our teacher had the most
horrible wonderful idea and decided to make us listen to a recording in which a woman was reading a text from our textbook. Her accent was so ARTIFICIAL that we just wanted to run away. Okay, so I wanted to run away (because the others were too stupid to realize that there IS a difference between britishes and americans, but okay) but still... Oh and I'm still thinking about whether to switch to story format or not. I MEAN, I don't want to stick entirely to e-mails but... You know "The Boy" series by Meg Cabot? They're really, really good -- you should read them. I have the ebooks and everything. They're not just e-mails, really, and I was thinking more along the lines of-- Oh. Plot. Right.
Anyway, thanks for the review XD (And good to know you also write at MNFF! (I read in your profile (I love the parenthesis usage)))
Luke and his sister find a confusing girl on their return home one night. It is obvious that she needs help, yet the help she needs may be something even greater or more difficult than Luke can give.
"We found her in the shadow of a dumpster, thown away like last week's trash, withering and beginning to smell. At first I thought she was just a pile of rags thrown together, an undersized scarecrow."
Wow, that was stunning! A dark, mysterious piece of work, which is beautifully crafted. It reminds me a lot of Phillip Paulman's His Dark Materials. Your descriptions at the start of the story really caught my eye and drew me in. Excellent job, I look forward to reading more from you - is there a sequel planned for this?
Oooooh, spooky! I could actually feel goosebumps rise on my arms just then. ;)
The relationship between the girl and her father is really interesting, I'd love to read more!