Reviews For Unmorality

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Reviewer: apollo13 (Signed)
16/08/07 - 05:24 pm

This was a haunting, real and thought-provoking story. I have a great deal of pity for the main character.

Good job. :)


Reviewer: LadyMortis (Signed)
06/04/07 - 04:23 pm
Hmm, that was very well written. The father was clearly mad and you generate alot of sympathy for the main character. I think you did an excellent job, Naga.

Reviewer: Mariana (Signed)
03/02/07 - 10:16 pm

This story is so moving; it's the kind that affects you even after it's over.  He father is such an evil character, but unfortunately realistic.  You really believe that his "religious" fervor will drive him to violence against his own daughter. I’d known him forever, and he was a God-fearing man. He had been in church that very morning. Usually, people are good for all of Sunday. - Best line.  (I like religious cynicism.)  :)  The ending was great, too.  I was wondering why he was being so calm and unreactive, and I have to admit I thought it was just to make the story more interesting, but then the last line was both a surprise and made perfect sense. 

I picked up on one typo:  "I smelled his breathe" should be "I smelled his breath."  And the POV switch Oracle mentioned: '“Would I ruin your perfect, sunny day?” I answered.' 

Now please, go out and write more!  Your public demands it!

Reviewer: Oracle (Anonymous)
03/02/07 - 08:45 pm

This was a very haunting story, and I liked the way you framed it from the perspective of your protagonist telling the story to someone else.  Your ending made me curious as well - what could that man's story be, that he wasn't affected by hers?

There are a few typos and one place where you switched from third person to first.  Other than that, great job!  I loved it! 

Author's Response: Thank you.  At your prompting, I went through and found the typos.  However...I did not find any incorrect pov's.  It can get pretty confusing with the quotations inside quotations, and continuing quotations in another paragraph, though. :)  Thanks for reading!

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