Reviews For Prejudice

You must login (register) to review.

Reviewer: apollo13 (Signed)
16/08/07 - 05:21 pm

This is a good story. :) I like the description in the first paragraph.

I was a bit confused at the end, though. :o Maybe that's just me being a bit thick.

Anyways, I really liked it. :D

~Evie




Prejudice
Reviewer: Rynn (Signed)
05/08/07 - 11:47 pm

I don't understand.  Is he going to rape her or is he keeping her here so they can capture her mother? Or are they going to capture Gabriella as well? Had Colin been a traitor all along?




Prejudice
Reviewer: LadyMortis (Signed)
02/04/07 - 02:21 pm
Wow, I wasn't really sure what would happen here but yeah, I really liked it.
Uhm, so why was she worried about where his father was... The ending confused me just a little. 



Prejudice
Reviewer: Oracle (Anonymous)
15/02/07 - 12:02 pm

Oh NOOOO!  I wanted Colin to be a good guy!  Nooo!

Seriously, this was a very good story.  The only thing I could say about it is that I would have loved some more background information...perhaps another chapter?  *looks at your pleadingly*

Poor Gabriella.  Her poor mother. 




Prejudice
Reviewer: Mariana (Signed)
05/02/07 - 03:00 pm

Nice work!  The opening paragraph is great.  The description is done simply and starkly, which helps paint the picture of cold and stillness.  I thought the second paragraph was a bit choppy, though.  The sentences all got to be about the same length and the same format.  I think if you mixed that up a bit, maybe combined two sentences into one, that would help.

 I liked the way the story showed mostly her fear, and not much of the consequences.  (i.e. we never see her mother, and it cuts off at Colin's attack.)  I think that's an effective way to tell the story since it increases suspense.  The one part that I thought needed work there was the way she realized Colin was deceiving her.  It all happened very suddenly; I think it would be more suspenseful to draw that out.  Have her be wary and suspect him while he's still acting nicely, so the reader will wonder if he's good or not.  As it is, we have no time to wonder.

As for mechanics, I saw just one mistake: "A painful snap echoed abnormally loud" should be "A painful snap echoed abnormally loudly."  And this isn't a mistake, but I think that putting "Crazy Dorothy Thomas's daughter, etc" in italics would be a clearer way to show what the townspeople have been saying.  Also, I think an exclamation mark after "what a scandal" would be appropriate.  I like that whole part, since what we've learned about those times is that everyone was gossipy and suspicious of their neighbors.  It adds to the feeling of unwelcome in the town.

 



Author's Response: Thanks for the awesome review! I agree with everything you pointed out; it does need some work. When I get the time, I'll edit it with your suggestions in mind. :)



Prejudice
Reviewer: TheSaucyBird (Signed)
03/02/07 - 05:28 pm

Very Niiice!

Colin, That Scoundral!

Here I was thinking that he was a nice young lad! Oh, how I was wrong!

 

 



Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, Colin's a bloody menace, isn't he? My friend wants me to write him in a better light, so I'm working on a good storyline to include him as a nice guy. Thanks for reviewing!



Prejudice
You must login (register) to review.