Author's Response: Thanks! :)
Chocolate Night
Reviews For Chocolate Night
Reviewer: sierraquill1715 (Signed)
05/01/08 - 08:35 am
Heh heh.... lol ^ ^ its light humoured & sweet!!!! =D
Author's Response: Thanks! :)
Author's Response: Thanks! :)
Reviewer: Rynn (Signed)
05/08/07 - 04:18 pm
Wow, Mariah, I so loved that! It was really funny - I guess some people aren't shy at all huh? That Kimberly really got on my nerves. Poor Heather. But you could really go on with this - it'd be cool to see other ways Kim annoys Heather. It's a really great story! And it's also inspired me to write a stepsister themed story - although with a completely different plot.
-Hadeer
Author's Response: Hadeer! *hugs* I didn't know you were a part of this community! Anyway, thanks for the review! Glad you enjoyed it. I suppose if I do anything more with this, it'll probably end up being a series of one-shots. Don't know when that'll be though. Anyway, thanks again!
Chocolate Night
Reviewer: Oracle (Anonymous)
09/03/07 - 05:06 pm
I absolutely loved this story. You got the voice of the teenaged Heather down pat, and I loved the conflicting emotions that she experiences as she and Kimberley spend their first night as sisters. You painted a realistic picture of life in a "blended family's" early stages - the parents trying to make conversation, the brother completely spacey (as brothers tend to be at that age), the inedible dinner, the hidden snacks. What a great portrait, all around, and I'd like to read more!
Author's Response: Thank you! And it helped that I'm around the same age as Heather...in many ways she's similar to me. I'm not part of a mixed family myself, but many of my friends are, and it sort of came naturally. I'm glad that you enjoyed is so much!
Author's Response: Thank you! And it helped that I'm around the same age as Heather...in many ways she's similar to me. I'm not part of a mixed family myself, but many of my friends are, and it sort of came naturally. I'm glad that you enjoyed is so much!
Chocolate Night
Reviewer: Fatima (Signed)
21/02/07 - 04:12 am
Excellent work! Your narrator has such a strong voice that it makes it very easy for the reader to come into the story and sympathize with her. The humor is brilliant! I laughed at Trevor's being not quite so useful as a rock and his charred-log meatloaf. Very well done!
Author's Response: Thank you!! *feels all warm and fuzzy inside* I'm really glad you could feel at least a bit of closeness to Heather, as I did while I was writing it. Again, thank you so much!
Author's Response: Thank you!! *feels all warm and fuzzy inside* I'm really glad you could feel at least a bit of closeness to Heather, as I did while I was writing it. Again, thank you so much!
Chocolate Night
Reviewer: Mariana (Signed)
03/02/07 - 01:22 am
I'm dead tired and honestly only planned on skimming your first paragraph before bed, so it's a testament to your writing that I ended up plowing through the whole thing! You have a great writing style; it flows effortlessly, and the strong characterizations and hints of humor kept me captivated. I think the awkwardness of having a stranger turn into a family member was well done; you showed a nice balance between Kimberley's disregard for the established rules, but also her sincere regret about breaking the snow globe. I have two small questions, though. First, Heather describes herself as a "sensible prude" in the beginning of the story, but prude-liness never really comes up after that. Would "bookworm" be more appropriate, or is there a reason you chose prude? Also, about this line: I had come to the conclusion that having a teacher-parent did not at all guarantee smarts or logicality about the time my insufferable brother Trevor came along. Very funny line, but if Trevor came along when she was only one, she wouldn't be able to make conclusions like that. :) This works nicely as a one-shot, but I'd love to see more chapters, too. Can't wait to read more of your work!
Author's Response:
"Very funny line, but if Trevor came along when she was only one, she wouldn't be able to make conclusions like that."
Ugh, I know. I had a hard time with that, but what I wanted to convey is that she realized this later, by the time her brain actually worked properly, yet still young, but I couldn't figure out how to put it. I'll probably work on changing that, though, now that you pointed it out.
And about the prudeness, I know : P. This assignment was really limited on length, so I couldn't go into further explanation on anything (part of the reason I want to extend it). The prudeness is because she really is a prude--she never gets in trouble at school, she always follows home rules (with the exception of sneaking food from a stash : P), she's not rebellious in the least, and she has enough conscience and possible guilt for every careless person in the world. I'd really like to go further into that in more chapters, though.
Anyway, thank you SOO much for being the first review, and for reviewing at all! It makes me feel so good that someone read it, especially after planning just to "skim the first paragraph"! Thank you for all your lovely compliments--I really appreciate it!
Chocolate Night