I get the impression this is set in modern times [like, now], and the scene you’ve set this on is realistic if that’s the case. I mean, Amy and Becky - two of those names that seem to crop up everywhere - and the introduction of a Polish boy, too. Also, the popular kids hanging around in empty classrooms - I’ll bet they act as if they own those classrooms too. Lol.
The characterisation you’ve built up is interesting. I’m not sure what I think of Becky - she seems a bit cruel to Meg because she goes off to snipe about her, but on the other hand, it’s something every teenage girl does. As for Meg, just by describing her and having her little bit of dialogue about this guy, you show us exactly who she is. And when you mentioned her orange layer of foundation I had to laugh - I can never quite figure out why some girls wear so much of the stuff.
She hated them. Becky hated them. She hated the way they walked. She hated the way they talked. She hated everything about them.
I love this first line. The repetition emphasises how Becky feels and gets the story underway, while the rhyme between ‘walked’ and ‘talked’ is slightly clichéd, but it gets the point across and was a great start note.
One thing that really caught my attention was the word ‘confidence’. I think this is one of the issues when it comes to interacting - it really does make some people feel left out, and it hurts to be shunned just because you feel as if you can’t speak out, as such. I know I’ve been in that place more than once, and I know [again xD] plenty of others have too.
Few nit-picks: you narrate with the word ‘Meg’ for that character throughout, and on just one occasion you change it to ‘Megan’ - it confused me a bit. When you describe Amy, you say what colour her hair is, then in the next paragraph, you say she’s dyed it a totally different colour. I’d make this distinction clearer by saying something like ‘she had … hair, but she’d dyed it …’ I understand that you’re making the distinction between Amy and Meg, but if you swap the description order around, you can still do that, but include the detail more clearly, too.
she agreed with Becky whenever she’d been in an unfair situation been in an unfair situation. - you repeated ‘been in an unfair situation’.
That’s all - I’ll read on now. xx
Author's Response:
Wow, thank you for such a detailed and thoughtful review!! :D It's probably the best review I've ever had - ever! :D
**hugs**
~Evie
Them