I liked this, is was really cool! A spin-off exploring further into this world would be really great- the world and story has alot of potential. You actually leave alot of questions (is he the last person? where exactly did the others go? why did his parents stay behind? what happened to the world?) You were artfully vague- you make the reader just as..miffed as the character, which is a great way to draw in the reader, and make the character memorable to them. Something more to answer our questions I think would be well received. Good Job!
Your opening paragraph did a really great job of setting the picture of a dreary world, overcome by somewhat mutant qualities. It sort of reminds me of the movie Water World, and the adaptation of humans to their new environments.
“Great towers of toughened steel rose ever higher into the once vacant sky; metallic platforms hung between them like great spider’s webs, with plenty of trapped flies.” I really love the way you choose to describe scenery. It’s simplistic and clear, which I think makes for really vivid imagery.
Your nicknames for the divided human race were natural. I also love how you illustrate class differences and quite literally make the poorer class dirty. There’s just the slightest hint of bitterness in there, though I’m not sure if I merely perceived that or if it was intended. I also like how true-to-nature you’ve written the evolution of the form of histories. I’ve actually been thinking about what humans would do if their world was to severely change in a short period of time. I also believe they would simply stop physically recording events, and move to song and storytelling.
This was such a miserable, dismal place, but I couldn’t help but feel an unexplainable thrill. Maybe it is that this short story is set in a place that could easily hold many more stories. In fact, this particular story could go on. It feels almost like a prologue as it leaves off at the grandmother’s death.
You’re such a wonderful storyteller, and I hope to read many more stories by you on TRC.
This story is absolutely spooky, to be really honest. The thought of being all alone. Of being the last on an Earth that has been utterly desolated, and to see the measures that had already been tried and failed to increase the qualiy of life on our planet. It makes me want to turn off all my lights and never drive my car again...but the most stunning betrayal of all was the betrayal of the parents.
This was excellent work, Corporeal, and well deserving of its accolades.