Here I am to review your story that was so lonely with no reviews...
So, as far as I read the idea is interesting and the style is comelling. I think you pictured the characters well too. that about the good of the story. Now let's go to the bad. If you can't take constructive criticism, please don't go further.
I think that, although your style is very compelling, it's also very heavy for the reader. I found myself skimming through your story and skipping long bits of text, because I just wasn't interested enough.
Don't misunderstand me: I was liking your idea. However, I think that, although there are no rules in fiction writing, but only guidelines (because any rule has been broken in wonderful ways), you personally would find it helpful to follow the guideline, "Show don't tell."
With this, I'm not saying that you should show everything that you tell in the beginning of chapter one. That would be enough for a stand-alone fiction. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't add all that bit of information in the narrative. You should tell it to me reader in dialogues, in between various scenes, so that I don't feel it so heavy and so unbearable for me to hold all that load of information. Let me get the info and digest them slowly . Let me get intrigued by discovering what has happened to your HP world, how Voldy was defeated and all. If you don't give it all to me at the beginning, my curiosity would be tickled and I would keep reading. You might make a scene in the hospital wing, a dialogue between more characters, or even a dialogue between portraits... something happening, ACTION... that can keep me interested while you give out information.
of course these are only suggestions, it's my very humble and personal point of view, it's not "law" (it must NOT be law. I'm miss nobody!). But it's something that really jumped to my eyes as I read your work.
Anyway, the story and the seting is intriguing and I will like to read more :). Well done!
Author's Response: thanks for the review! It's nice to see different aspects of people's pov's when they read it, but you have seen something a lot of people haven't in this story at least. It was originally written for a challenge and it won honourable mention. Having said that, yes, I do need more dialogue in my stories so I agree with you there. I am working with a beta to improve my dialogue before I start putting a great deal of it in my stories because I have a bad habit of switching pov's when I do dialogue without meaning to and it confuses people, but I will cerainly be putting more in once I am better at that. So thanks for the query into why this isn't so in my story. I always appreciate well rounded critisism, and here's some for you LOL! you spelled 'setting' wrong in the review. Do you write stories here? Perhaps I could look at your dialogue and get some ideas of what you mean? I'm always looking for stories to read that are well written and will enhance my abilities as I'm always looking to improve. Thanks for the input!