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Reviewer: MuggleMomma (Anonymous)
04/17/2009 11:41 am

I loved the way you wrote the scene with Galbatorix and his parents.  It was wonderful, and I didn't miss the very blatant instance of foreshadowing when he said it was the last time he'd be happy.  I'm appalled by the attack on Laila...and in the end, all I could think was that it was Glaedr...but why would Galedr call Laila and oathbreaker?

I can't wait to see what happens when Galbatorix meets up with Vrael.




Recalled
Reviewer: MuggleMomma (Anonymous)
04/17/2009 11:30 am

And so we know how he eventually comes into possession of a black dragon.  Once again, your detail work has astounded me.  I'm disappointed by the fact that he's ignored his parents, though...he seemed to be growing out of that kind of behavior.

I have to stop and say for a moment that you are developing Galbatorix into a man that I sympathize with, and even like.  It's a masterful piece of work, the way you weave the events of his life to mold the man that we all know he will become.




The Ancient House of Taranis
Reviewer: MuggleMomma (Anonymous)
04/17/2009 11:28 am

There was a ton in this chapter...very, very intense indeed.  Flell's pregnancy was definitely something I didn't anticipate...nor was her rather violent reaction to Galbatorix's ancestry.  Naming his sword 'White Violence' was wonderfully appropriate, though I was a bit startled by his aversion to his pointed ears...didn't he realize that was coming?  You've differed a bit from known canon in this chapter, but as before - I don't mind it one bit because, quite simply, it works.  Great job!




White Violence
Reviewer: MuggleMomma (Anonymous)
04/17/2009 11:25 am

The ability to lie in the Ancient Language...very, very scary indeed, and I can see why that might be one huge reason why there was so much prejudice against the Dark Elves of your story.




Induction
Reviewer: MuggleMomma (Anonymous)
04/17/2009 11:24 am

Virtue is indeed its own reward.  Now we know why the Ra'zac would ally themselves with Galbatorix, don't we?  I love the way you weave known fact from canon in with your story - I feel like I'm reading Paolini.




The Diamond of Helgrind
Reviewer: butter_beer_drinker (Signed)
04/16/2009 11:52 pm

What a vivid imagination you have.  The trials were all very well laid out and I like how you didn't allow Galbatorix to excell at everything.  Your description of the dragons is wonderful and I could see both of them clearly in my mind.  The only small change I would make would be to show the passing of time a little better. At the rate you have written it, it appears the trials lasted about 20 minutes.  You might mention the changing of the shadows on the ground or the contestants growing weary from lack of food, stretch it out so that it shows they were ther all day and exhausted from their efforts.




The Trials
Reviewer: myownmuggle (Signed)
04/16/2009 03:49 pm

Utterly gut wrenching and beautifully executed (no pun intended).

Wow!




Dead and Gone
Reviewer: myownmuggle (Signed)
04/16/2009 03:48 pm

Uh, oh.  Trouble's brewing!  This chapter, for me, really gives depth to the relationship between Laela and Galbatorix - gives you a sense of their psychological and physical connection.

Outstanding!




White Violence
Reviewer: myownmuggle (Signed)
04/16/2009 03:45 pm

There's a gritty, physical feeling to this chapter.  The interaction between Vrael and Galbatorix during the ceremony is tense and exhilirating.




Induction
Reviewer: myownmuggle (Signed)
04/16/2009 03:43 pm

It's so very satisfying to see Galbatorix find the place he's been looking for.  But all good things come to an end, don't they?

The swing from one emotion to another is beautifully done.




Among the Dark Elves
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