“That is barbaric,” Hermoine protested, averting her eyes from the offending scene being preformed before her.
Honestly, there's a lot of potential here. I loved how you tied back the ending! That part was clever!
Checkmate!
Reviews For Checkmate!
Reviewer: LOTRandHPnut (Signed)
08/01/2007 01:57 am
I must say, your writing and usage of words is quite sophisticated. However, I think you could use more active verbs and a bit of polishing up regarding grammar. Also, your adjective use was a bit excessive, particularly in the begining paragraph. Sometimes some bits of description weren't necessary, for example, the last section of this sentence.