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Reviewer: Wolfric (Signed)
12/04/2006 11:42 pm
I just read your story and I liked it


Primal Love
Reviewer: markg (Anonymous)
12/10/2005 07:09 pm
Harry the Wimp?


Hermione's Recovery
Reviewer: MuggleMomma (Anonymous)
11/28/2005 11:06 pm
Hehe...Uncle V said "freak equipment." And Harry bruised his bum! I like the way you inserted some humor in this chapter. It makes me feel confident that Harry is going to make a full recovery. And I think the part about a headless Dudley was priceless! :) Excellent chapter!


Good News
Reviewer: MuggleMomma (Anonymous)
11/28/2005 10:37 pm
This is a great first chapter, Lex! :) I love that Harry is writing swear-words with his wand...such a teenaged-boy thing to do. I liked Hermione's note as well, but I think it might have been just a bit brief. Hermione's usually pretty wordy. The last line was my favorite: "He watched the cracks in the wall until they broke open to reveal dreams of the archway and the only father he had ever known." What a great transition from wakefulness to sleep. Beautiful wording. On to Chapter 2!


Memories
Reviewer: Dave (Anonymous)
11/12/2005 08:08 pm
Well, I made it this far, but just can't continue. You started with a good story but the plot has wandered into confusion. You have not provided enough narrative to glue the plot together. You need to provide more narrative to at least give your readers a hint as to why Herminone is acting strange. You should also spend more narrative time early on in the story about Ginny's developing talent reading auras. I also noted that your shifts from one scene to the next are too abrupt. For example, you ended the last chapter with Ron apparently catching Ginny and Harry kissing. You opened this chapter with Harry sporting a black eye. You should have gone into more narrative detail regarding the clash between Ron and Ginny and why Ron was so upset. Especially because previous chapters lead the reader to suspect that Ron approves of Harry and Ginny being together. For Ron to get so upset without a good explanation from you is out of character and leaves the reader feeling betrayed. It is as if you led us down a particular path and then jumped to some other path with no warning. These last few chapters leave me with a feeling that you really don't have a clue where you want to take the story. It's as if you were just writing some free association in an effort to jot down some ideas with no real intent (or perhaps effort) to string them together. I wish I hadn't lost interest, because the story started out strong. ddopp@prodigy.net


Anxiety
Reviewer: Dave (Anonymous)
11/12/2005 08:03 pm
Well, I made it this far, but just can't continue. You started with a good story but the plot has wandered into confusion. You have not provided enough narrative to glue the plot together. You need to provide more narrative to at least give your readers a hint as to why Herminone is acting strange. You should also spend more narrative time early on in the story about Ginny's developing talent reading auras. I also noted that your shifts from one scene to the next are too abrupt. For example, you ended the last chapter with Ron apparently catching Ginny and Harry kissing. You opened this chapter with Harry sporting a black eye. You should have gone into more narrative detail regarding the clash between Ron and Ginny and why Ron was so upset. Especially because previous chapters lead the reader to suspect that Ron approves of Harry and Ginny being together. For Ron to get so upset without a good explanation from you is out of character and leaves the reader feeling betrayed. It is as if you led us down a particular path and then jumped to some other path with no warning. These last few chapters leave me with a feeling that you really don't have a clue where you want to take the story. It's as if you were just writing some free association in an effort to jot down some ideas with no real intent (or perhaps effort) to string them together. I wish I hadn't lost interest, because the story started out strong. ddopp@prodigy.net

Author's Response: Well, I thank you for reading as far as you were able. The story is actually complete, and I had a distinct idea of where I was going at all times. There were parts that I wished to leave up to the readers imagination, just as missing scenes (the black eye event) and the subplot of Hermione's troubles. It was developed in a way that I found interesting, even if it didn't work for you. Keep in mind that this story supposes a Year 7 is coming, and naturally, all the strings couldn't be tied up, else there would be no storyline left for it. The changes are abrupt, and that was simply something I preferred over any lack of technical ability. I do hope you find a sixth year you can enjoy.



Anxiety
Reviewer: Lizzie22153 (Signed)
10/28/2005 11:19 pm
I loved it.

Author's Response: Thank you. :)



Primal Love
Reviewer: Aaran St Vines (Signed)
10/23/2005 09:36 am
Ch.26 - - The faux-fight between Harry and Ron was a interesting bit of storytelling. Your Releasing Ceremony was quite elaborate and well explained in your text. I wonder, is it totally your construct, or does it come from something else, some other religion, matriarchal tribal ceremony, mythology, or author's creation? A fine chapter. I am a man of the Book. Though this does not comply at all with that tradition, your story in no ways offends me. The nature of fanfiction is speculation within canon context. Nothing in the stories answers what is done at a wizard funeral, until HBP. Your tale was written before that book, and as speculation, is as possible a funeral scenario as any. Plus, you do not say this is the only way any of this could happen, it just a way it might happen. Most interesting.

Author's Response: I'm glad it intrigues you! This chapter was emotionally draining for me - I really put my all into it. It's completely of my own construct, as I do not adhere to any modern or traditional religion. Thank you for reviewing.



The Releasing Ceremony
Reviewer: Aaran St Vines (Signed)
10/23/2005 08:38 am
Ch.25 - - Writing such grieving moments, particularly for a family that is as similar and yet diverse as the Weasleys, is not easy, but you did it pretty well. Congrats on that. Your Harry has grown emotionally, and though under terrible stress, it has been good growth that makes him a better person - all in areas where he's exerienced stunted or non-existent maturing because of the Dursleys. You're to be applauded. You've further developed the joint aura/Legilimency coordination concept, and given us an insight into Ginny's aura reading by itself. And HERE is where you torture us poor readers further - getting Harry and Ginny even closer together - but still no release for us H/G shippers. Cruel, but delicious. Nicely done all around.

Author's Response: lol. My biggest critics are shippers. I do keep Ginny and Harry away from one another, because I wanted something to develop on its own. I wanted a natural attraction to take over, and dear Harry is so slow in that department.



Renewed Purpose
Reviewer: LunaMoon224 (Signed)
10/20/2005 10:02 pm
That was really, really great! Sad at parts, but aren't all fics? I was so intrigued, I couldn't stop reading to leave a review before now, lol. Poor Hermione, she loved her hair even though she hated taking care of it. That parchment intrigued me the most, I've read a few fics now where Hermione becomes a translator, or at least is studying to. I'm glad you put Mckee in here too, she's so mysterious. I can't believe Harry wouldn't kiss Ginny though, lol. Really great fic! I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Author's Response: I like to think I started that Translator trend, as I didn't see anything like my Hermione until I mentioned the liklihood on the MNFF Forums. Course, someone else could have thought of it, but eh. I like to possess some things. I'm considering uploading my WIP, All's Fair. It's a McKee/Bill fiction.



Primal Love
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