Gee, I wonder why she is throwing up *whistles*
Anyway, really good but you have quite a few mistakes in there that kind of threw me off. If you ever need a beta I can help you or WT has an excellent Beta team you can ask
WizardTales is an unofficial fan fiction site featuring works based off of The Southern Vampire Series, The Chronicles of Narnia, Supernatural, The Inheritance Cycle, Harry Potter,The Lord of the Rings and Twilight series'. WizardTales is not associated, affiliated with, or recognized by the authors or publishers of any represented series. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. All stories and artwork remain the property of their authors and may only be copied in any form with their consent.