It's a shame you've stuck your character in this plot - she's really likeable, and if you'd done things differently with her she could be a really good centerpiece to a story.

Unfortunately, the other characters suffer because you force Dylan in situations where she really doesn't belong. Harry has had the same friends for six years, he wouldn't just open up to people like that so quickly.

Your writing style is good, I just am not a fan of the direction of the story. Keep writing, though, you're good at it.

Interesting story. I like your character, but I hate the situation you've put her in (the most believable character can become a Mary-Sue if you let her sit at the Head table and choose where she's Sorted). Draco flitted in and out of being OOC, but you just barely pulled him off.

In other words, just watch keeping your characterization thorough. Good writing, though, and I'll keep reading.