errrrrr...dunno how many times i've read this, but something just sank in...
in harry's third year, didn't he go stay at the leaky cauldron after he 'stormed out' of the house? in that case, why would he have to owl order a toothbrush from hogsmeade???i'm assuming, ofcourse, that that incident went according to canon...? hehehe
that aside, i absolutely love this story and the ones after this... read it every now and then, n i'm a big fan...=)...kudos...!!!
Sorry, I forgot earlier, but if you want to respond to my review, you can mail me at Quizer@gmx.de
I started reading this at SIYE, where I cannot review as anonymous person, but I feel strongly about this, so I took a moment to track down a way to get this to you.
Like I said, the rest of this story is close to perfect. I love the mind to mind connection between the two, the potential it creates and the creative ways you use it. (Although Harry is extremely slow to figure it out - maybe a bit too slow.)
I can accept the reasoning that even Soulmates hit rough patches in their relationship (even though I wonder if that isn't the whole point of the concept, dreamed up by people who like for everything to go smooth (like me ;) )), but jealousy issues is a bit much. If you wanted an argument, any other topic would have done the trick as well. The disadvantages of the connection could have been portrayed that way, too, how it is annoying and exasperating to be unable to get away from the other's negative emotions.
Though I might not understand them, I'd like to see your explanation of the reasons just the same!
Good luck on whatever you're working on these days!
First off, I must congratulate you on this story so far. I have read Summer of the Serpent and this story up to here so far, and I must say I am impressed. It's a great story that I really enjoyed so far.
Unfortunately you seem to have had some sort of lapse in this chapter. :(
I don't know what you can possibly have been thinking writing that whole jealousy bit, but it totally ruined the flow and quality of the story and it doesn't make the least amount of sense to me.
First, I don't understand at all how a girl might feel the need to make the object of her affections jealous. It is a terrible and immature thing to play with someone's emotions like that and it can have the complete opposite effect as well - the guy might think she his happily involved with that other guy she's using.
In the situation described in your story, it makes even less sense. If soulmates like described in your story really exist, I doubt it would happen to them. I checked back, and the catalyst seems to be a bit of sarcasm that Harry uses when talking to Ginny while she is with Dean. Sarcasm like it goes in normal day-by-day situations between them. How the hell did she suddenly get the idea to make Harry jealous? What did she think it would accomplish?
Considering the bond and the closeness they are sharing, this thing happening is not plausible at all. It doesn't matter that they haven't come out and said 'I love you' yet; they can feel it in their minds.
Additionally, it gets way too much out of control. Both are really out to hurt the other in a way that I cannot believe if they truly care about each other.
Ginny's sudden desire to make up is even more abrupt than the start of this silly argument. It comes totally out of the blue, they hated each other's guts 15 lines above that! (Judging from their actions at least, which speak volumes.)
I cannot understand why people would act like that and I highly doubt that I could tolerate it in reality. The whole thing totally obliterates suspension of disbelief, not least because of its abruptness - suddenly I cannot identify with these people anymore. It is further worsened by how quickly they get over that - even though I prefer that over long angsty passages, this is just too unbelievable. The scene should never have happened in the first place. You successfully showed that such a mental bond is not necessarily always a good thing, but at the cost of totally ruining your credibility. The magnitude of this event is too great to simply forget about it as I continue reading, I cannot enjoy the described relationship anymore like I could before.
I regret this major blunder in a story that is otherwise close to perfect. Hope you avoid things like this in future projects.