I liked that you started with Snape and Draco and I am interested to see what you do with them and the Order.
A couple of issues.
1. You mention that Snape uses Occumenlcy (sp?) on Draco, but it should be Legilmens (yeah, sp?)
2. I'm sure that it's changed since I was given grammar lessons, but I, personally, cringed with the number of times that sentences started with And or Because....
I'll look forward to seeing more of this story!
Very interesting, very intriguing...many have played off these ideas before, but not together, and certainly not with Draco suspecting Snape.
I look forward to more of this!
By far, the best you've ever written. Superb!!! Super duper! Amazing! Un perfecto! ahha, every other good adjective you can think of. it really was good. but there's just one line that i had a problem with.
"Snape watched in satisfaction as Draco ground his teeth."
That should be something more like, "as draco ground his teeth, he noticed that snape watched in satisfaction." i know, that was awful, but for that one line you changed perspectives. if you did that for the rest of the time, it wouldn't be as bad, but there it just didn't work quite right.
Beccah! *superultramgeadeathglomp* That was... so amazing!! Took me a second to find a word decent enough for this. I absolutely loved it. Wonderful, wonderful job. I also liked how you had Draco in hiding with Snape, though I would've laughed if Snape was walking on broad daylight in the wizarding world....:P