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Reviewer: chizel (Signed)
06/15/2010 09:53 pm

Again, a wonderful story! Hopefully you will consider writing more. I know I am not a big review person, but do not doubt that I loved this story and the one before it. They kept my attention off of the hardships currently in my life. Excellent work!




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Reviewer: cheryllynn (Anonymous)
10/14/2006 01:48 pm
i've really enjoyed reading your stories. i hope you finish. i like your take on everything and it's always good when someone gives harry a breather from canon heartbreak. i have to admit to hoping you would allow cedric to live this time as you departed from many other areas of canon but i suppose we can't have everything. and, of course, it does allow such a heartwrenching moment when they return from the graveyard. i am very interested to see where you go with harry's power surges. i am assuming they will mature (if you continue writing the story. please!) and he will be able to control his majic. anyway, thanks for the good read. please keep going.


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Reviewer: Pug (Signed)
07/10/2006 09:31 am
So far this has been great, I intend to finish this fanfic by tomorrow. You are talented continue the good work.


Homesick
Reviewer: Dave (Anonymous)
05/17/2006 08:48 am

I read both stories.  What an interesting take on the retelling of JK's stories!  The plot moves well.  The characters were well-drawn although obviously not canon.  Harry rings a little "untrue" in that someone with the kind of psychological damage he experienced is not likely to perform as strongly as Harry does in these stories.

I would also have liked to see more interaction with Draco Malfoy.  Harry's experience with Ginny could have yielded a significant enrichment of the plot if you had showed more development of their relationship.

There are some technical errors in your writing that you should work on.  Learn the difference between "site" and "sight", "bare" and "bear", "affect" and "effect" for example.  You also make the common mistake of using incorrect grammer in an effort to write a gender-nuetral piece.

Using "their" when the correct form is "his" or "her" is always wrong and interfers with the story flow.  For example, you wrote "... Harry’s wand (very carefully since no one could actually touch it without burning their own hands ..." is never correct.  If you know the gender, you should use the grammatically correct pronoun "his" or "her".  If you insist on gender-neutrality, then rewrite the sentence.  For example, "... Harry’s wand (very carefully since people could not actually touch it without burning their own hands." 

There were a few mispelled words, not too many.  You should also try for economy of expression.  For example, you frequently use "off of" when "off" works better for the story flow.  Example, "... Harry’s glasses off of the bedside table ..." should be, "... Harry’s glasses off the bedside table ..."  Another example, "...eyes off of Harry ..." should be "... eyes off Harry ..."

You frequently use too many compund sentences.  Shorter sentences often help the story flow better, especially in an action story such as this one.  You wrote, "Somehow someone had taken a picture of Sirius holding Harry on the Quidditch pitch and with Rita Skeeter announcing Cedric’s death and Harry Potter’s struggle to stay alive, the wizarding world wanted answers, answers that only Harry Potter had."  This would flow better if you wrote, "Somehow, someone had taken a picture of Sirius holding Harry on the Quidditch pitch.  With Rita Skeeter announcing Cedric’s death and Harry Potter’s struggle to stay alive, the wizarding world wanted answers.  Answers that only Harry Potter could provide."

All-in-all, this was an interesting read.  Thanks.




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Reviewer: dancefreak92 (Signed)
05/09/2006 10:52 pm

I REALLY LIKED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please make a sequel! Please! I am on my knees begging you! Please make a sequel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




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Reviewer: jayley (Signed)
04/27/2006 09:41 pm
wow, that was really good! i was kinda hopin that maybe cedric wouldn't die, but i suppose u needed him to....i liked how harry was portrayed as a smarter person than he was in JK's books, it made me like his character better!


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