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Reviewer: Golden_Snitch (Signed)
05/11/2006 12:31 pm

Very nicely written! Was this a One-Shot, or multi-chapter? I forget ...

 If it's a one-shot; great! If there's more to come; even better!




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Reviewer: Calamur (Signed)
05/06/2006 02:47 am
Excellent One Shot... a mothers love at the end of the day is mothers love....wonderfully written



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Reviewer: LoneStarVamp (Signed)
05/05/2006 06:47 pm

I very much enjoyed reading this short story.  It's so rare that we gain insight into Draco's feelings, i.e. what's beneath the surface of his overt bullying behavior.  This story was, overall, very well constructed and written. There was repetition of Draco's verbal expressions about betraying friends and family; however, this is easily remedied should you ever wish to, perhaps, find different ways of saying the same thing.

The ease with which I could imagine the scenario unfolding in my mind as I read the story impressed me, as I consider myself to be a very visual person.  This added depth to the reading experience because the story and emotions came to life for me.

Writing a short story is, in many ways, more challenging than a chaptered series, because it must encompass a beginning, middle and ending within a constrained word count.  The author must tell the story quickly and concisely - and tell it well.  You've certainly done that!

BTW, if you do ever edit the story, I'd suggest you remove the words "The End", as it isn't necessary to tell the reader they've reached the conclusion of the story!

Lovely work!

Regards, LSV in Dallas
Perfect Imagination Accredited Beta Reader




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Reviewer: ladylarna (Signed)
04/21/2006 05:25 pm

I love this! So strong and moving, it really came across well. I wish you hadn't put 'the end,' though; it seemed to take away from how great this is.

 A well-composed piece. Nice job.




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Reviewer: LunaMoon224 (Signed)
04/21/2006 03:22 pm
I loved how you did this, and how you characterized Draco and Narcissa, especially. This really made me feel sorry for Draco, which is rather hard to do. To sum it up: I really enioyed this, thanks for sharing it!


Chapter 1
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