but he was so bloody fast.
Erm.. this is Mr Weasley talking.. Bloody fast?
This chapter was better than the previous one.. but has the same problems. Needs work mate... needs work..
Honestly, though, I am surprised that you forgave us.”
The 'though' is wrong. It shouldn't be there.
Hell who wouldn’t?
This is from the Dursley's POV and they would never say 'Hell'. Just my opinion.
Harry looked at his aunt and mouthed a very silent ‘thank you’ before taking the carton up towards his room.
Why is he mouthing it? is there any real need for silence? There is another thing I thought you could work on in this scene... the atmosphere, body language, descriptions... here you just have three people saying dialogues.
Hmm... It was a good chapter overall.
Awesome chapter... you threw in a bunch of really unique stuff and i thoroughly enjoyed it...
Ollivander being McGonagall's brother was certainly unexpected but a very cool surprise.