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Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006 04:07 am
Overindulge a little bit, did you, harry?
 
---Harry suspected the twins were devising a major prank.---
 
Oh, there's something different.  LOL  I do notice in your stories, some of the formnatting seems to have gone awry.  Sometimes half a sentence will be repeated, or missing...that kind of thing.
 
The monster in Harry's chest is prevelent...like in the sixth book.  Be careful not to overdo it.  (I kinda thought it was overdone in the Half Blood Prince, myself.  But then not caring much for romance plots might have something to do with that opinion.)  A reference in Harry's thoughts about how the monster was seeming to be a permanent resident or something might add a bit of reason as to why it's so prevalent though.  Just a suggestion.
 
I really like your characterizations on Fluer's family.
 
--Hence the reason he’d imbibed so much at the stag party the previous evening.--
 
Oops!  This was actually a nice segue into what happened at the party.  Though it does make the chapter slightly confusing...  you go back and forth in time periods, and one is not quite sure what happened when.  It would be a lot clearer to me if there was more continuity in chronological order.
 
  Fire-whiskey sounds revolting.
 
How come Harry's dress robes are now gray?
 
Dudley being a wizard...I noticed in a reply to a review earlier you said it would be a minor plot...  Will it come into play at all?  Something that immense, Dudley being a wizard, seems like it should play a larger part, else one might be left wondering why the heck it was in the story to begin with.  One is left having read this very interesting plot twist, then finds it had nothing really to do with the story at hand.  Just a passing observation.
 
---"Yes. The same place you were looking. Honestly, Harry. It’s called a push-up bra," Hermione said, her cheeks turning pink.---
 
LOL!! 
 
---"A bit?" Ron demanded furiously.---
 
And LOL some more!  Nice little scene you've inserted!  And Tonks is eyerending megenta lol
 
---It was better for her and all involved if he kept his distance and allowed her to move on with her life.---
 
Sheesh.  Arrogant little bloke.  Overprotective people are irritating.  LOL  Hopefully Ginny will be able to prove that he's being silly.
 
---He realized that he fell in love with that feisty, stand-up-for-what-she-believed-in girl, and then he asked her to change. That wasn’t really fair to either of them," Remus said, taking another drink.---
 
Oo, Remus is a wise sort!  Part of why he's my favorite character.
 
Aw, man?  Who asked those two numbskulls??  (Scrimgeour and Percy)  And bravo to Harry.  heh heh Gabrielle is a cunning little kid!  Hey, watch yer eyes Harry.  You are dancing with a lady!  Kind of.  LOL  Though I kinda feel sorry for ol' Jean-Luc lol 
 
Ack!  Dementors!!
 
---"Expecto Patronum," Ginny bellowed, and her tiger mowed down her mother’s attacker. "Go now, Mum."---
 
Another bit of ill-formatting. 
 
A very good end to the chapter...  The action bit, though, it kind of loose.  There's no tight action, there's nothing compeltely riveting the reader to the spot, putting them in the middle of the action.  Great chapter!  On to the next.



Until Death Do Us Part
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006 03:46 am
--"Great," Harry mumbled into his pillow. "Now I’m dreaming about fairy tales, only I’m the damn Damsel in Distress." Harry knew he would never tell another living soul about that dream as long as he lived.--
 
LOL Poor kid.
 
-- I’ve already shrunken our trunks--
 
Sheesh.  At first I thought that read "I've already shrunken our heads"  ROFL
 
The Potters lived in Wales.  Cool.
 
---Harry decided that he really didn’t want to know---
 
I want to know!  Aw, why *didn't* Harry sprint inside?  I love his welcome though!  The explosion...that's twin-greeting all right.  And the interaction between them and Fleur was highly amusing!
 
---Ron grinned at Harry when he said it, but the sudden realization hit Harry like a punch to the gut.

He was homeless. ---

*Very* nice.  lol  Poor Ron.  He can be clueless.  (And once again I misread "shrunken trunks" as "shrunken heads"  I must have those on  my mind.)

"have a good snog"?!  LOL

You might not want to use the expresison "shoe on the other foot" too often.

Hmm.  I think Hary will regret it if he leaves Ginny behind.  For a good relationship, one can;t be over protective of another.  It puts the one being protected in a lesser position.  One not able to make their own decisions or take care of themselves.

---"You mean they both ended up with a present they couldn’t use?" Ron asked, horrified.---

LOL!

---"Maybe regular shagging will help."---

Whoo!  She certainly doesn;t mince words.  Impropriety detectors...  That's Molly all right.  Whoops!  Krum will be there.  Sheesh.  "Jean-Lucifer"?  lol Again you have a way with words!

As I hsve said, I am not a fan of romance, but this story's not *too* thick with it and I am enjoying the other plots.  Nice chapter!  Nice interactionas.  It could use some more narration though, instead of just telling the reader what everyone is doing.  You get into the emptions pretty well, but again some mood setting would really bring the chapter out.




...Another one opens
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006 03:26 am

Hello! Me again! When I review a story, I review the good and the bad. I hope that it will help and that you take it in the spirit it's intended; to be helpful. I am enjoying this story a great deal, and if I didn't, I wouldn;t take the time. : )

:sniggers at the beginning of chapter 2:: Nice

description, I love it. --Uncle Vernon must be loving this.-- Why is that..? Hermione is deluded. That's all I've got to say! LOL! Tell the shower how hot! That's great. I enjoy how you contrast the Muggle and wizard worlds.

---He could never allow any of them to become another spare--- Oo, "spare". Nice. I love the transformed cat flap!

Items-That-Can't-Be-Named... lol You have a way with words!

---For several days, their paths and Dudley’s hadn’t crossed, but on a sunny afternoon when the trio had abandoned Harry’s room to sit in the back garden that all changed.--- That seemed to me to be an abrupt transition. And about the gnome, in canon, Ron had seen gnomes, the Muggle kind, before. He said something like "I;ve seen what Muggles think are gnomes, like fat little Father Christmases with fishing poles." Then he went ahead to show Harry a real gnome.

---"I could make them do anything I wanted, couldn’t I?"--- Ooooo. Bad sign. LOL "Mubbles"?

---Hermione’s attempts at striking up a friendship with Aunt Petunia had continued, but they had – of course – been futile--- I didn;t think that the "had" was necessary there...makes it sound like an afterthought.

I absolutely LOVED Ron's telling off the Dursleys! And I really like Hermione's telling them off also, though it seemed awkward to me, that scene. Like Harry and Ron's reactions didn;t seem to jibe with the seriousness of the situationm and how Hermione was willing to use Levicorpus on the Dursleys for how they had treated Harry. It's a serious moment (GOOD FOR HERMIONE! !) but it seemed a little rushed and...the boys' amused reactions seemed to take away from what could have been a far more chilling or striking scene. The amusement part, I think, would work better after the fact. Wonderful chapter!




When One Door Closes
Reviewer: Cody DeDannan (Signed)
04/12/2006 02:57 am
Chapter 1 review:
 
LOL!  Oh wow, Dudley a wizard...  Man that poor kid, when he finds out he's a "freak"; he is going to remember everyhting his mother always said about wizards...man poor Dudley.  Never thought I woudl feel sorry for him.  his parents are evil!  Liking this story so far, and will likely comment as I read.
 
<<They’re able to do…to…to use their things?>>
 
LOL!  That always amused me, the "thing" reference.
 
You're doing wonderfully so far with the characterization, and I am gleeful seeing how the Dursleys are having to swallow their pride.  oh how I would love to see Harry turn them all into toads!
 
One constructive critisicm I might make is the lack of scene setting.  You are very good with action and characterization, but I am not seeing the setting, or feeling the mood of the place.  Mood-setting and scene descriptions would really make this chapter stand out, I think.
 
---He enjoyed plotting it, nonetheless.---
 
Yeah me too!




Secrets Unravelled
Reviewer: Calamur (Signed)
04/08/2006 02:38 pm
phenomenol Melinda. I said Sirius's portrait. Well Draco and Narcissa was excellent too. My tenth chapter is similar but very different. :-)


Author's Response: Yeah, I suppose a lot of our stories will be similar simply because of the narrow guidelines JKR left us with. Still, it's interesting to see how differently they can be interpreted.



And Life Goes On
Reviewer: WiCkEd (Signed)
04/08/2006 11:24 am
oohhhh, Malfoy. I would've gone around the whole house to find him, if I were Harry. Anyway, I really liked this chapter. It had all the different emotions and stuff and was just, well, great. I liked how Harry used his emotions to help save the Burrow... very sweet. Please update much sooner! I love this story and I want to see what happens at Godric's Hollow.


Author's Response: Thanks!  I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm sorry for the delay. My beta and I had a huge breakdown in communication this chapter. I promise, chapter six is already with her and she's working on it.



And Life Goes On
Reviewer: ladylarna (Signed)
04/08/2006 08:08 am

Amazing. I will forever envy your ability to sew stories together realistically... your blending of hilarious and serious moments is so natural, and I very much admire it.

Wonderful chapter - the twins made me giggle, you do them well - and do update soon! Thanks so much for this, and take care!



Author's Response: Thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying it. The twins are fun, aren't they?  I'm very fond of the twins - I'm glad they amused you.



And Life Goes On
Reviewer: LunaMoon224 (Signed)
03/25/2006 03:34 pm
Yay for Harry and Ginny!! *laughs* I'm glad they're working things out. I love how you did Jean-Luc, his personality especially. That's one of the points that really was supposed to upset Harry, and you did it wonderfully. I liked how you put Gabrielle in this chapter a bit, too, and the 'thank you' that Harry mouthed to her at the end was really sweet of him. The way you describe things is absolutely perfect, it really puts a picture in my mind of things happening. The way you characterize everyone, especially Harry and Ginny, is great too. Well, I think that's enough ramblings for now, I could go on almost forever about this marvelous story. I love it, and can't wait for the next update!

Author's Response: Aww, thank you!  That's how I write, too - with pictures in my mind so I'm glad it works for you.



Until Death Do Us Part
Reviewer: ladylarna (Signed)
03/24/2006 05:27 pm

This was a marvelous chapter as usual! The wedding attack isn't a new idea, but you wrote it quite well. The dance partner section was extremely interesting, and I must admit my favorite line in the whole thing was this: "She was stunning, and he was lost."

 So perfect. Absolutely perfect. Marvelous job, and thanks for this!



Author's Response: Aww, thanks!  I'm glad you pointed that line out, actually. I kind of liked it myself, hee.



Until Death Do Us Part
Reviewer: seeker77 (Signed)
03/24/2006 05:12 pm
severlly hooked now, Harry and Ginny back together finally. Perfect chapter, cant wait for more

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm having a lot of fun writing this one.



Until Death Do Us Part
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