Great description! Azkaban has never seemed so repulsive. And you didn't even mention the Dementors.
"...all that intelligence went into choosing another portion of Mozart's Requiem to butcher."
"Now the only 'halo' he had was a bunch of flies that seemed to find his smell rather interesting."
"'Minerva, please do stop hissing, you sound as though you have a slow leak.'”
Interesting and clever explanation of Hera's lack of training: the Ministries of the various countries vying to produce the most powerful witches and wizards. Sounds a bit like the Cold War when America was competing with Russia over e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g--even education.
Author's Response: The Ministry seems that way, very proud of all the powerful people it produces. It also makes for something quite humorous when someone of that age starts this.