Interesting and nicely structure. I just think it could use a good deal of polish; this has a lot of potential. Watch your grammar (should be 'couldn't bear' and not 'couldn't bare') and try to give the pice a more natural flow.
The interaction between them was unusually perceptive, so well done.
Author's Response: Thank for the notice with regards to grammar, I haven't edited these fics yet so I will get around to that in due time! I'm glad you enjoyed it..why not try some of my others? Megan Hogan xx