Your descriptions and narration are spot on. Very vivid.
I even liked your plot...what I followed of it.
But it was far too jerky and cryptic. The flow was just not right. The reader struggles to understand just what is happening. It is very, very confusing. I read it twice before i understood what had happened.
You are obviously a very talented writer. I loved your descriptions..they were very vivid.
But i suggest that you work on it a bit more.
The Incident at the Golden Gate